


Stella Mortem

by Emriel



Series: Jenova's Call [3]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020), Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dark, Betrayal, Dubious Consent, Emotional Manipulation, End of the World, Family, Fluff, Jenova Project (Compilation of FFVII), M/M, Memory Loss, Mind Break, Possessive Behavior, Reunion, Stockholm Syndrome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:03:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 32,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24400999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emriel/pseuds/Emriel
Summary: Sephiroth grants Cloud a gift, another chance to save a world that was doomed to end in exchange for losing all that he held dear. With the deterioration of the planet, there is little that stands in the way of his call and Sephiroth gives Cloud little choice.Brought into a world where Cloud is finally firmly in the grasp of his rightful family, Cloud struggles for reason. The voice of mother urges him to finish what she started before she was sealed by the ancients but Sephiroth has other plans, one he intends to succeed no matter the cost.
Relationships: Jenova/Cloud Strife, Jenova/Sephiroth (Compilation of FFVII), Sephiroth/Cloud Strife, Tifa Lockhart/Cloud Strife, Zack Fair/Aerith Gainsborough
Series: Jenova's Call [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1786561
Comments: 69
Kudos: 269





	1. Sileo

**Author's Note:**

> You can read the prequel [Sileo Aeternum](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25151251)
> 
> The title of the story is Latin and translates to Star Death. The rest of the chapter titles are all in Latin as well. This is sefikura centric and it’s dark. Not extremely dark but dark enough that I want to issue a warning. It’s also a self indulgent work because I want to flesh out the character of Jenova and why she was once called the Calamity.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of nothing.

Without a doubt he was spared.

Whenever he thought about it, he knew that numerous times in the past Sephiroth could have killed him, and yet he was allowed to live, because of a whim.

He got stronger as he gathered allies around him, surviving.

Long enough for him to come to a state of fruition.

He once chalked it up to the idea that among all the brothers, clones, numbers… he was singled out, special in a sense that he never turned into _him_ , into Sephiroth himself because he was a failure. In his body, there were cells from the original, and Hojo made sure to pepper him with enough to the point that he almost lost track of who he was.

When _he_ called, his entire being sang and if he resisted?

There was the pain.

**_Reunion._ **

It was the voices that urged him to do his bidding, _his voice, lilting, welcoming_ , to be reunited, to be one with the god whom he should serve. It meant coming back to a home, a sanctuary. It was almost more than being in love ~~because love could not create that feeling of completeness~~.

And yet part of him knew that he shouldn’t listen to it. That he should _fight_ it.

And _if_ for a second, he hesitated and accepted its embrace, his will was lost and all he knew was a maddening voice of _possession._

It was accepting _Mother_.

_Jenova_.

**Wondering why must the two of them fight, when they could be together? That if he** chose **to, she would also grant him the same** madness **that afflicted her only son.**

—accepting Sephiroth as his god.

But madness was _subjective._ And when Sephiroth was in his head, and the voice of mother smothered reason, what they told him made sense.

Because they were headed for a singularity.

Sephiroth had seen it.

**_The End of the World._ **

**_The Edge of Creation._ **

And many times, in his dreams, in the past, and still even when he was awake, the call was there.

“Join me.”

And the only reason Cloud couldn’t was because he knew he shouldn’t betray his friends. He knew he shouldn’t respond because if he did, he would damn the world. He cared too much of the living to care about what might exist beyond it.

Sephiroth saw it in its black and white state and spoke of only fulfilling a destiny. Or defying it... ~~because Gaia will wither and die, with all life joining with Omega.~~

Sephiroth will have his way, consume it and use it as fuel to find the promised land.

It didn’t mean it had to happen _now_.

Because then, all that would fill the world was sadness. And if he let all that he fought for fall into a state of decay, he would never be able to face Aerith, Tifa, or Zack.

And to Sephiroth who was elevated to godhood, perhaps that was the most pressing problem after all. To him, the rest of the living was inconsequential. It was like looking at cattle and deciding that it was alright to let them die because they weren’t necessary.

But by virtue of being one and the same, even if he was but a flawed _puppet_ , he deserved his place by Sephiroth's side, for _all eternity_ or for as long as they could survive. Sephiroth wanted him. And this was difficult to understand so Cloud resolved to deny it.

Perhaps a God needed a companion, even if that companion was the traitor that killed him.

Cloud didn't want to be that companion. Because despite everything the man murdered his family. Murdered Aerith. ~~And he was supposed to be his hero.~~

So he refused. Because he wanted to live the life a mortal lived. And because of that, Sephiroth let him live out his freedom.

But nevertheless, the buzz of his call was there, ready to take over and render him into a puppet if he so much as hesitated. It made Cloud feel like a ticking time bomb.

As if to test his resolve, Sephiroth taunted him in his dreams, and challenged him to become stronger. But wouldn't it have been easier to take him in, back when he was confused of his own identity, back when he did not have a clue of who he was? Mould him into the puppet that Sephiroth wanted without waiting for him to become a thorn. A threat.

And why didn’t he? He was a phantom in his mind. If Sephiroth wanted to take over his body and his mind, Cloud knew he could lose, just like in the past. But perhaps, Sephiroth knew that it was _better_ this way.

That even if he was a present threat, it would not matter in the long run.

When Cloud knew that as long as he was alive, Sephiroth would always come back. That he would never be satisfied to remain in his memories, and still whisper his poisonous promises inside his head.

Waiting.

Time was not important to Sephiroth. Cloud knew that time was against him.

If only he could always remember the important things. The sky that was blue. The flowers that grew in the church. Hope.

Cloud was afraid he’d say yes, carelessly, just because no one else could ever understand what it felt like to feel so wanted and so needed to abate the guilt and the pain of being different—

It became more apparent when his friends started dying one by one. Some due to old age, while others succumbed to sickness and yet he lived on.

He was constant and never changing. Almost immortal, as if unaffected by time, living on as Sephiroth had planned, his cells making him eternally young.

Jenova was around, her voice as visions, feelings, beliefs, and memories, as if language was unnecessary when she was above it. **_Calamity_** _._ Through Sephiroth he could hear her call. At first it felt like Gaia, but soon he knew the difference. Because the planet felt like an otherworldly presence that could consume him, and yet it was kind. He was touched by it once, through the rain. He saw the people who sought to protect and failed through the lifestream. He knew somehow they lived on even if they weren’t truly alive anymore.

Jenova was another thing altogether. She was like his own mother. Only, more controlling, forceful, and yet _very_ protective, and her voice was sweet, sugary, and promised him _everything_ he ever wanted, the world, comfort, and peace. To let go of the responsibilities of being who the world wanted him to be. A **_hero_** _._

But that meant succumbing to madness. To become something else entirely, something not human if he ever took her hand.

She says he belongs with them. That they are family. That he shouldn’t be fighting with _family_.

That they had all eternity to fulfill what they had come for.

**_Consume. Worlds. Travel. Galaxies. Universes._ **

It was temporary, the delay.

And yet he wanted to wait it out. And he would hear Sephiroth’s laughter, as if he had already won.

And the part of him that was connected to the lifestream that was still human, and not _SephirothJenova_ was clinging to the hope that there could be a different ending.

That one day he’ll wake up and everything would be better again. That the corruption of the planet would go away. That the Lifestream would stop falling apart and all will be better again. Then he could find a way to die and be at peace.

“ _But death does not become you, my puppet. You fought for life, and now you have it, an abundance… and through you I exist. I am always here. There is no need to feel abandoned._ ”

But he did.

Perhaps, at least, there was one man who could relate to the madness in his mind. Vincent. He lived with a demon. And yet the two of them were not the same. Because a demon was not a God, even if it did live forever just like one.

It was ironic.

And he could feel the embrace seeping to his pores. Just like the Geostigma.

Only this time—

“Cloud.”

Cloud blinked his blue eyes to the sky. It was dark. Raining.

“Cloud!”

Tifa’s voice brought him back. Her graying hair did nothing to hide the age. The wrinkles around her eyes.

“Cloud, you’re staring off to space again.”

Cloud looked down and then back at her. He’d gotten better at handling emotions over the years when before he was content to sulk away in silence.

“I’ve been thinking,” he began, but he was unsure about how to explain the sudden looming crisis at the back of his eyes.

“Has anyone told you too much thinking leads to nothing?” Her voice had a tinge of worry. Tifa wore a white dress, and an apron. Knuckles encased in leather gloves. And those hands were on his shoulder, suddenly, patting him. It gave some comfort.

Even if thinking about something leads to nothing, avoiding the thoughts were worse. He learned that the hard way.

He looked away from the window, just in time as a crackle of thunder lit up the heavens. The sound of the rain hitting the roof was a loud static noise. He just needed to say it. If only it was as easy as swinging his sword. He hated the thought of relying on others, but he also promised to _try_.

And she was still looking at him expectantly. Ever so patient.

“Tifa, I’m starting to hear voices.”

She looked alarmed and her hand fell down slowly. He looked away, and tried not to think about the way her lips tightened, and opened but no sound came.

“Is it Sephiroth?”

Cloud couldn't speak.

Tifa sighed. “He still hasn’t let go of you huh… All these years, and he’s still calling out to you.”

At this, Cloud faced her and a frustrated sound left his throat. “He’s not even here anymore. I… I’m scared something might happen, and that one day I’ll lose control and I’ll betray you.”

“Oh Cloud.”

Tifa pressed against his side and tilted his chin up because Cloud knew he was visibly closing into himself again.

“You’ve fought him, and you’ve won multiple times. We trust you.”

Cloud backed away, “No, you don’t understand. It’s… they’re getting stronger. I… I’m not sure if I have the strength to say no anymore.”

At this, Cloud felt a headache. And it was pounding, almost unlike anything he’d felt before. As if something was trying to get inside his head, breaking it open.

It was so painful it brought tears to his eyes.

* * *

When he came to, he was staring at a white ceiling, in a room he shared with Denzel.

Tifa was beside him.

“Cloud. You scared me. You lost consciousness and I had to carry you here. You should drink this.”

Potions.

Cloud didn’t want any of them.

_“Cloud. Stop fighting me. I’m doing this, to save you.”_

And Cloud could see his white hair, the ringing of the blade in his ears.

He shot up from bed and Tifa worriedly brought him back down.

“Tifa!...”

Tifa gave him a small smile.

“What am I going to do with you, Cloud? Just rest. I’ll head back downstairs to help manage the bar. Give me a call if you need anything.”

* * *

His dreams were filled with liquid green.

Mako hurt. Seeped into his pores, into his veins. Sizzling. Infecting and changing him.

And as he got pulled down into its very depths he saw him.

Asleep.

In a cocoon of darkness, twisting around him like vines.

“Sephiroth.”

And as he spoke. Those eyes opened.

“Cloud.”

And it was as if time froze. The static in the air. All greyed out.

“Let me in, Cloud. _Give in._ ”

And before he could say anything, he was drowning. Pulled and stretched and twisted.

When he opened his eyes, he found the suffocating trails of darkness all around him. He gasped for air as the mako closed on him, filling his lungs. The shadows wrapping around him. He was reaching out for light that was slowly fading. And a hand closed around his.

And the pain stopped, only mind numbing tiredness remained.

Don't do this.

“ _That’s better. I wouldn’t want you waking up for what I’m about to do.”_

Sephiroth smiled at him before vanishing.

* * *

It was a dream, that much he knew, but there was no way to wake from it.

Nightmare.

Flashes of it, in his head.

The world was swimming in flames. So much blood.

The air filled with static as monsters were called from the depths, multiplying, and filling the world with their kin. Killing all that he knew and cared for.

Tifa’s head, neatly sliced off at the neck, with blood seeping down the carpet. The last gasp of air leaving from her windpipe, like a snort of a pig.

Masamune, glinting against the dying embers. One city falling after another.

And the squeals of horror.

He almost wished it wasn’t real.

But he could feel it.

Their passing.

Death was inevitable to those who did not have eternal life.

* * *

When Cloud opened his eyes, he was staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, staring at small hands, that didn’t feel like it belonged to him. Only it did.

“Cloud! Wake up! You’ve got to go to school.”

Cloud felt confusion at this, as his memories returned in jumbled pieces. Slowly, whatever he knew of the future receded at the back of his mind.

“Ma?”

And there she was, Claudia Strife, wearing her apron and gesturing for him to come down.

Cloud followed along, wondering if he was forgetting something.

Something important. He clutched his head at the pain of trying to remember and felt green flash at him. Cat like eyes with the pupils dilated… urging him onward, watching him.

He felt as if he was an insect being pinned to the wall of a collection.

“What is it dear? You’ve got a headache? Maybe you should stay at home.”

Cloud shook his head and pushed the hand away from his face, not sure why the thought of being touched annoyed him so.

“I’m fine. I… I’ll go eat breakfast.”

* * *

School was boring. He somehow already knew the material. But that couldn’t be right because he had never studied in advance.

He tried not to let it bother him.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry.

He rubbed at his eyes.

The dream he had seemed to be very important. He could remember flashes of it. An older him, feeling haunted, crooning voices calling him home. A pool of green, that extended for miles with no end.

Silver hair. Green eyes—

He clutched at his head again. The classroom suddenly looked as if it was burning. Cloud pushed himself off his chair and almost fell to the floor. The teacher looked at him with worry.

"Ah... I... I have to use the bathroom."

Cloud pursed his lips and bit the side of his cheek. It was painful.

This was real.

Once he got to the restroom, he looked at his face.

He was seven. Turning eight in a few days. His reflection didn’t feel familiar. He touched it. Looked at his sky blue eyes. He turned around and saw the pony tail that kept the longer strands of his hair tidy. He pulled at it, and a few strands came off.

Blonde... He wondered why it wasn't silver instead.

Cloud laughed and tried not to think too much of the fear.

He knew everything should be how it should be. Nothing was wrong with him but he was ~~wrong~~ … something didn’t feel quite right.

Cloud took a few calming breaths, washing his face at the sink, hoping the cold water would shake out the sleepiness in him.

He avoided speaking to his classmates, not that he liked anyone among them. It was just a bunch of nobodies to Cloud except Tifa whom he liked a little.

* * *

By some miracle, he made it through the day but instead of going home, he started moving towards the opposite direction. The Shinra Mansion.

He was forbidden to go there. It belonged to Shinra after all, and there were monsters roaming about.

But something was calling out to him. Someone. He didn't really know why, but he just knew that if he followed the voice, he'll figure out why something felt as if it was missing.

The evergreens stood high. And it started snowing. Birds were twittering in the safety of their nests. He looked up at the sky, wondering what it was like to just be a Cloud.

Weightless, but suspended in place.

His shoes made soft crunching sounds on the ground, and before long, he was before the gates. He pushed it open, surprised that no one was there to stop him. The metal creaked open.

_You've come. Child._

There was someone familiar walking in the courtyard. A hand wielding a long thin sword, and on it blood. Dead monsters all around him.

“I was waiting. It’s good to know you’ve made it back in one piece.”

Cloud scrunched his forehead.

The teenager was tall, and looked menacing, with silver hair and striking green eyes. He was beautiful, when the clouds parted for him, and the rays of the sun hit his hair, leaving an otherworldly glow.

The long sword was pulled out of the carcass of a wolf and with a flick, a line of blood stained the pure white snow. Then, the teenager started walking towards him.

Some part of him felt fear and he took a step backwards.

“W-who are you?”

“You should know. Perhaps… it is the planet’s interference. You aren’t supposed to know _anything_ yet, not in this world after all.”

Cloud wracked his mind and when those green eyes started at him, instead of moving away, his legs stayed in place.

_Say my name._

“Sephiroth?”

There was a small quirk of the lips. Cloud had no idea why he knew without doubt that the person before him was pleased.

“Good. Come here. Your new body does not have part of me yet. We must rectify that.”

Cloud was confused but before he could protest, the strange teen took his sword and cut his wrist. And he was stepping closer.

“There are other ways, but this should suffice. _You’re too young for that, after all_.”

Cloud stared at the wrist that was offered to him and Sephiroth smiled, indulgently. “Drink.”

Cloud wondered all of a sudden if the teen was about to turn him into a vampire, but it was as if he turned into a _puppet_ and moved to take the wrist, drinking blood from it.

As soon as he swallowed it, he felt something react, within him. A burning sensation. Of something that shouldn’t be there _invading him_. And yet even that was familiar.

There was a broken keening sound that came from his throat as he collapsed to the ground and the teen knelt and started petting his hair.

“There, there. You will suffer for a time until your body learns to adapt to _me_. This will make you stronger. _Faster._ You were right, that I should not have waited, that I should have taken you earlier. Now, there is no need to wrestle you away from the grip of the planet. Or your friends, _because this time,_ you will obey. I will not have it any other way. _”_

Cloud felt tears prick at his eyes as he glimpsed a sea of fire. All of life, disappearing to oblivion…

_“Cloud, do not waste my gift.”_

* * *

For the second time, he woke up, but this time in so much pain. All his muscles felt tired. Even his bones felt as if they were aching. The world felt too bright.

“Cloud… what have you been thinking? I told you not to go there. It’s a good thing a young man came back to rescue you.”

“W-where… did he go?”

“He left, days ago. But Cloud, what am I going to do with you? If there’s something wrong, you should tell me.”

Cloud kept his silence and tried to recall the encounter. “There’s nothing wrong ma… I’m fine.”

“No you’re not! Y-You have a fever, and you wouldn’t wake for days. I thought you were about to die. I was worried I lost you!”

“Ma... I’m fine.”

Cloud wasn’t sure when was the last time someone cried for him the way his mother was crying now and despite how his body protested from the abrupt hug that she gave him, he let her because he owed her that.

He remembered bits and pieces. That the man was a _god_ of another world. That he didn't belong here but here he was.

It felt like a farce. He could remember being on the opposing side. He knew that he was the one who kept fighting Sephiroth. But at the same time, he did not understand, to what end, having conveniently lost a lot of his memories. If he could even call them that.

At this point it felt so strange that they might as well be delusions. He must be going crazy.

Claudia brushed her tears away and looked at him for a while, smiling but still looking miserable until Cloud was forced to look away.

“He left some potions for you to drink. He said you might need it.”

* * *

Cloud wasn’t sure if he enjoyed being a child, knowing that he should be much older, but having seen how terrible the world can be in the future, he was enjoying the _gift_ of a second chance.

Even if it came from a man who he knew subconsciously was supposed to be his enemy.

Sephiroth sometimes sent him dreams, and in those the man was content to sit beside him.

“ _What do you gain from this?”_

To which the enigmatic teen replied, “Everything. And Nothing.”

* * *

A year had gone by.

He stayed away from the rest of the kids so they wouldn't notice anything was wrong. Tifa still tried to talk to him, but he didn’t want to get her involved. He could feel the madness from the other end, that if he brought anyone too close, there would be hell to pay.

It was difficult not to confide in anyone except the source of it, but he was used to the isolation.

He was used to being treated differently. But it was still painful to have to look away and the most he did was train with his fists, and his newly acquired gift - sword to kill monsters that infested the Nibel mountains.

Before long he noticed something was wrong. By ingesting Sephiroth’s blood, it activated what was already inside him from his other life. He was already susceptible to it before, but now, looking at his eyes and the way his blue eyes would sometimes turn to slits, it was almost impossible to hide.

He wondered if others saw.

_‘What did you do to me?’_

**_Nothing that hasn’t already been done before. You will get used to it._ **

Cloud swayed on his feet at the sudden voice that interrupted his thoughts.

He felt his pupils turn into slits in his annoyance.

_‘How am I supposed to hide it?_ ’

**_You won’t be able to. I have sent for Shinra’s men to collect you. You will be with me shortly._ **

Cloud blinked and ran a hand through his hair.

‘ _You can’t do that.’_

But before long, there was the sound of choppers landing not too far from where they were.

‘ _Bastard._ ’

* * *

“It’s surprising that my theory has been proven correct. That _reunion_ does exist.”

“Hojo, that does not prove anything.”

“But look at his genetic code. It’s as if he’s been born out of Sephiroth’s own seed. It is an almost identical match.”

Cloud winced at the harsh lights overhead and tuned out the conversation as a needle was plugged in his veins.

**_Chances come at a cost. I ensured that they will treat you well._ **

“While that is true, it’s not something you could replicate. I know you’ve tried. I’ve seen the clones and they’re all but mindless drones. If I knew that all it took was falling into a pool of mako and having a little bit of his blood mixed in, we would have never given you that much money to waste with the SOLDIER treatment.” A loud gruff voice said.

The shuffling of paperwork was all he could hear afterwards and Cloud whimpered when another needle was plugged into his veins, this time drawing blood.

“That’s a different topic altogether and as you can see here, this map shows the perimeter around Nibelheim where we did the experiment with the ancient. Exposure to her might have given him more susceptibility than others.”

“A fluke! Hojo. We have tested dozens of children from the area and none of them react to S genes the same way.”

There was a female voice, "The president has not approved of exposing children to Mako, so we will never be able to test if that is the missing equation."

“It is only a matter of time before he allows me another specimen. And as for you, Hollander, you are merely trying to undermine my study. You are a second-rate scientist with failed specimens. But you do have a point. This just means that there is something within that boy that is special and I intend to find out. Now get out. And do not _ever_ question my research with SOLDIER again, they are the crowning glory of Shinra.”

Cloud stared unseeingly upwards. Wondering when the pain will end.

“Finally. The pest is gone. Sephiroth has asked us explicitly to be gentle with the procedures but there is a need to figure out how similar in build specimen C has and if he has the potential to become the next _general._ Just give him a dose of pain-killers and numbing agents and get all the samples ready. I want samples from all his tissues for future comparison. See if he is sterile as well. As you all know, SOLDIER members have lost the ability to reproduce because of the presence of mako in their veins and it is something the president has wanted to rectify for the longest time.”

When his pain receptors were all but drugged, Cloud felt the breath leave his lungs.

It was getting difficult to breathe but at least the pain died down.

“Not too much because we want him to stay alive.”

The sight of the scalpel would have scared him, but he knew his body would heal.

But it couldn’t keep him from screaming for when they started cutting too deep.

* * *

Being a resident of the science department as one of their specimens shredded his dignity.

But they didn’t know he could escape in his head.

‘ _Is it worth it?_ ’

**_This pain is momentary compared to what might lie ahead. Endure it, for a bit_** **.**

When they milked him for cum while his body was drugged with the strongest aphrodisiacs because he wouldn’t consent to do it himself, he felt like a shell of himself.

Remembering a time when he was trapped in a pool of green and slowly losing his mind.

**_I can kill them for you. If you want._ **

And Cloud found himself looking at the doctors and scientists milling about. Their nametags weren’t in full view but knowing Sephiroth, seeing their faces was enough. It might not happen now, but he was sure someday in the future, all these people will be skewered by the Masamune.

There was a satisfied hum at the back of his head.

‘ _Where are you?’_

**_Conquering Wutai._ **

_‘How I wished to be like you in the past is still a mystery. You’re just a murderer.’_

**_And here I thought you stopped hating me._ **

‘I…’

And Cloud was left on his own. Staring blankly at the wall. The smell of antiseptic burned in his nostrils. The new smell of home.

Just like that time with Zack.

The absence of the presence disturbed him. It was like losing a friend that was always there. The abandonment hurt and before he knew it, he was crying.

For the first time since coming back, he wondered if he could continue to exist without Sephiroth’s support. The world was disorienting and he did not have the companions he had before and even if they did exist, they had none of the memories or experiences that made them his friends.

He had not even come to terms with what he lost for coming back. He wasn't even given a choice.

He did not dare to ask what happened with the other world that they abandoned. He couldn’t bring himself to imagine if a world that was doomed simply existed again in this new world or if they were two different things.

He resisted the urge to call for him because he hated him.

Because he should hate him more for taking away the precious things in his life.

“This is the first time Specimen C expresses emotion in isolation. It is the twenty-seventh day of his stay at 1315. I must report this to Doctor Hojo.”

He looked through the walls, angrily.

“Remarkable. He can pinpoint the location of our voices as well.”

Another scientist who looked worried entered the room and sat next to the child.

“Wait, we’re not allowed.”

“But he’s just a child! You look at him like he’s a monster.”

“But that’s what he is. Even the Professor has declared him an anomaly, and we are only under orders to observe, not interact.”

“He hasn’t harmed anyone.”

“You can get fired.”

“I was planning to leave anyway.”

* * *

Cloud looked up from his lashes at the brown haired lady when she offered a hand.

“It’s not going to take that long. We just want to make sure you’re healthy before we release you to the program.”

Cloud stared at the hand warily.

“But you’re hurting me.” Cloud almost wanted to lash out but what would that do?

There was a part of him that wanted to snap her neck but at least she cared for his well being. Under the bright lights, she looked just like any of them, trying to get him to lower his guard so they can study him more. What thoughts he had in his head, what things he had in his physique, testing it, cataloguing it, so they can make better versions of him.

But is the concern, real?

“I… We can’t deny that but these things are necessary.”

' _How is torturing me necessary?'_

Cloud hated his room, but it was actually bigger than his room in Nibelheim. He had a bed, a bathroom and his very own table.

He even had a small chocobo plushie.

Some of the scientists found him adorable and gave him little gifts that he ended up hoarding to himself because he didn’t want the little things to be taken away from him.

“It’s going to be alright. The procedures should take another week before they conclude the research. The General has been adamant at your release.”

“Sephiroth?”

At seeing him perk up the name, the lady smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair.

“At least there’s someone out there who wants you safe. The General _has_ ,” she coughed at this before continuing, "given explicit threats if you are not released on time. So... I know it must be painful. It won't take long. I promise."

‘ _But he’s the one who got me in this mess._ ’

Still crying, he accepted the hug.

* * *

Just like the lady researcher said, it took a week and then he was off to sign forms, which detailed Shinra's offer to take custody of him. He had to endure Hojo’s prattling about how he will soon be trained to join the army. A huge sum of money was paid to his mother, while fundings were pooled for his training and education so he could be raised as a SOLDIER just like Sephiroth.

And just like that his life took a different turn than what he expected.

At nine years old, they gave him a sword that was bigger than him. A Katana.

It was different from the buster sword but learning how to wield a thinner sword was interesting and he took to it like drinking water.

He was inducted as a third, and those around him didn’t take too nicely to a child showing them up.

But he fought as hard as his body could.

* * *

“Look at this arrogant little twerp. Strutting around like he owns the place.”

Cloud kept to his katas, practicing the stances despite his protesting muscles. It didn’t feel all that great his body was still weak.

_Show them_.

That wasn’t Sephiroth. It was _mother_.

But he followed along the voice, his hands going through the motions as he blocked the incoming attack of a sword.

His right hand flared as he activated the firaga on his bracer.

Without pausing, he ran straight up to the man who dared challenge him. He ducked low when a sword came close to his head and rolled to the side, then pushed himself up with a spiral strike that had the man stumbling.

The maneuverability with a smaller sword made him faster after all, and he didn’t mind showing them that he didn’t get in just because he was a specimen.

The urge to prove himself was there. He didn’t know where it was coming from but he also hated everything around him, as if he didn’t belong.

He didn’t ask for SOLDIER after all but he was there and he had no idea where else to go.

He didn’t want other guys telling him what to do with his life.

So he kept attacking, pushing his body well beyond what it was capable of.

He got kicked in the shin and he found his back to the wall.

Cloud slid down and steadied himself at the man who was laughing.

He pushed off from the wall, knife sticking out and managed to kick the man’s arm.

And he kicked him again for good measure in the groin which had the man kneeling on the floor.

“Yield.”

He had his sword pointed at the man’s chin.

“Fuck. I’m going to get you for this!”

“Roche. Knock it off.”

Other SOLDIER 2nds and 3rds came inside the training room.

“Cloud was it? Just let Roche go. He means well. Just wanted to get to know you. Here, have some.”

They tossed him a bunch of potato chips and Cloud blinked at this.

“I don’t think I’m allowed.”

“Then give it back.”

Cloud frowned at this, reflexively holding it closer. He didn't really want to eat Hojo's planned diet all the time and he was a growing boy after all.

The other SOLDIER laughed, “Then keep it, I'm not going to take it away.”

“He’s just so adorable, Kunsel.”

And before the others could surround him, ones he hadn't even seen before, there was a warning buzz, and Cloud lit up a bit although he would never admit to it, when the doors opened and the Silver Haired General stepped in.

“Sephiroth,” he whispered.

Cloud ran to him without thinking.

And Sephiroth glanced at him.

The rest of the SOLDIERs stood at attention, frozen. Cloud, unsure of what to do, followed the same and gave a salute.

“At ease.”

He looked older. Almost like his other self. And Cloud felt an echo of all the times they fought and his hands tightened against the hilt of the katana.

Then, those eyes were on him again, “Cloud, follow me.”

* * *

He was moved to Sephiroth’s room, which had a spare room rather unceremoniously. His room was sparsely furnished at the lower level, but soon that was transferred efficiently.

All he had was his sword and a picture frame of his mother and him anyway.

He was sitting beside the man as he removed his pauldrons.

“When did you come back?”

“Just now.”

Sephiroth considered Cloud, all blue eyes dilated. Almost like an excited cat.

“How are you feeling?”

Cloud looked away and looked at the smattering of bruises on his arm and the bruises mako injections left.

He knew that his physical pains meant nothing to them but he felt a cure wash over him and he watched his bruises disappear, almost instantly. Sephiroth put away his restore materia.

“You should eat more.”

“The food doesn’t taste great.”

Sephiroth smirked, “You can toss them out and get food delivered.”

It was a surreal conversation. That Sephiroth would suggest something so mundane.

Cloud swung his legs back and forth as he remembered the bag of potato chips, opening it.

“Snacking?”

“Well… you can buy me food?”

“Where’s your card?”

“Card?”

“They should have given you one, after you joined the army.”

Cloud tried to remember but shook his head.

“Possibly Hojo, interfering again.”

‘ _Will you kill him?’_

**_With pleasure. But right now, he still has his uses._ **

* * *

Later on, the General of Shinra was seen walking around town with a child, carrying a package of food.

“Why did you buy so much food?”

“We’ll have visitors.”

Cloud hummed.

_‘Why are you pretending to fit in?_ ’

**_I’m not. This is how I truly am._ **

_‘You never told me what happened after… I killed you?_

**_You ask too many questions, Cloud._ **

‘ _But you brought me here. I lost everything I ever knew. You have to tell me why you’d do this for me. I didn’t ask for it. I...’_

**_I’m allowing you to gain what you lost._ **

At this, Cloud caught up and blocked Sephiroth’s path.

“What do you mean?”

“Cloud. Now is not the time for this.” Sephiroth stared him down, and Cloud wondered if there was madness in those seemingly sane eyes.

“Then promise me, you’ll tell me soon.”

“I will make no such promises.”

* * *

“Who’s this kid?”

“The new addition to the SOLDIER Department it seems.”

Cloud pressed closer to Sephiroth’s side when a hand reached out to touch him. He looked at the red haired guy and tried not to think of Reno.

“Skittish, isn’t he?”

“Genesis, behave.”

“Angeal, aren’t they recruiting them a bit too young? This one’s a kid and you’re telling me he’s SOLDIER material? For the love of the goddess.”

Sephiroth looked down indulgently at Cloud who was trying to hide his face in his hair.

“Sephiroth, what’s his name?”

“Cloud.”

Cloud looked up at Sephiroth at this.

“They won’t bite.”

‘ _But they’re not right._ ’

**_They don’t have to know that._ **

“Tonight’s dinner is Wutainese.”

“A little ironic, don’t you think?” Genesis quipped.

Cloud peered out silently as they began opening the food.

“So tell us, how did you meet him?”

“Two years ago, in Nibelheim. I was on a mission for the reactor. He found me, and he was injured. Fell into mako. There was a fight, and a bit of my blood got into him. I didn’t think it would do anything to him, but Shinra noticed his changes. His eyes started glowing and have changed properties. Hojo told me he and I share similar genetic material.”

_That’s a lie._

**_They will never know the truth when it’s far more convoluted._ **

Cloud felt a burgeoning headache and almost let out a groan but held it in.

Sephiroth merely smiled.

“So our blood can turn others into monsters? How can this even happen?”

“Not monsters, Genesis. Cloud turned out fine.”

“Cloud is an exception, however because of this incident, we have a new directive to ensure that all SOLDIERs taken captive must be rescued or eliminated. We also have a new cleanup crew to ensure that biological samples are collected or destroyed.”

“Makes our missions a lot tougher, but I know the consequences of having to fight the enhanced aren’t worth it.” Angeal noted.

Cloud was given a plate and he started to dig in.

“Will I be sent to Wutai as well?”

Genesis blinked and Cloud couldn’t stop the hand that reached out to ruffle his hair. “His voice is just precious. Come now, child, do you think Shinra is that evil? If Angeal had his way, you wouldn’t even be here.” Genesis wagged his finger at Cloud and Cloud felt a little peeved at the man.

Sephiroth beside him gave a small noncommittal sound, “It all depends on the president, but Angeal is right, it wouldn’t look good to send kids to battle. Cloud, you will stay here for the entirety of the war perhaps until you reach an acceptable age…”

There was a knock on the door, and a secretary came in, with a black box.

“Oh, what’s this?”

“Something for Cloud,” Sephiroth brushed his hair back and leaned over the boy.

Cloud put down his food as the package plopped to his lap.

“What’s this?”

“Infinite in mystery is the gift of the Goddess.”

“Genesis,” Angeal said and Genesis merely laughed.

“Open it.”

Cloud blinked and did as commanded. Inside was a black Shinra Card, and a black PHS, together with an assortment of different materia.

Even a mastered restore.

And underneath the first layer, was an emerald earring. It was a more expensive variation of the platinum earring. It doesn’t come cheap.

Cloud had to wonder when was the last time he was ever given a gift.

“Thanks.”

“It should have been given to you the moment they let you out of the labs. I was told Hojo didn’t keep to his promise.”

Cloud wasn’t sure what to feel about this.

Genesis stole the card.

“Hey this is even better than what I have.”

“It’s just a different design.”

“It’s a black. What’s the limit on this, a few million gil?”

“Four. It will increase as his rank progresses.” Sephiroth answered.

Genesis grinned, apparently placated that it wasn’t as large as he thought it was.

“That’s a lot of money,” Cloud said, remembering how much he had when he first started.

“Shinra stole you from your family and inducted you in the program without your consent. I suggest you use it, Cloud.” Angeal tapped the boy’s shoulder.

* * *

For a second life, it wasn’t half bad. He was told to go to bed as Sephiroth, Genesis and Angeal talked about more serious matters.

Still quite confused, he allowed the lull of sleep to pull him in.

_You will understand in time, my child._

There was her voice crooning in his ears. The contented hum singing all around him. There was a lot of uncertainty about his role in this world, but if it was what he had, then he’ll take his chance on this one.

There was a part of him that always wanted to know who Sephiroth was before the madness, and he had an inkling that for a god, perhaps this gift was not for him alone.

Sephiroth was once human after all, and even if it was pretense, it felt reassuring to see that Sephiroth could smile.

The way he did with his friends.

It felt nice not to have to worry about things. Like a good long break in the chaos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sileo Means Restart.


	2. Mentior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is never simple and Cloud finds out how easy it is to fall with good intentions. Destinies are aligned and the planet tries to interfere with Calamity's plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect an update so soon! I just got inspired to write yesterday.
> 
> Also warning for this chapter. Cloud is nine. And some gore.

Just because he got out of Hojo’s hands doesn’t mean that the man was done with him. Sephiroth’s quarters were meant to be private but with a trained eye, he could spy a minuscule camera from the corner of the room watching him.

Then, he had bi-weekly physicals where they take samples of his blood, inject him with mako among other things, test his mental health and physical health by pitting him against monsters, programs, and other experiments.

And today was just one such day which is why he was trying to find an excuse for it but he couldn’t think of anything aside from torching the labs which wouldn’t land him in anyone’s good graces.

Hojo should be damned.

So he took a shower, and tried to calm himself, breathing in and out slowly.

The glass walls around him fogged as the water came rushing down from the overhead shower, and for some reason, he wasn’t surprised at all when a body brushed behind him.

“Why are you here?” Cloud tried not to feel a little scandalized that there was a very naked Sephiroth reaching for shampoo and was currently leaning over him with his hair forming a white curtain.

At nine years old, he barely reached the man’s torso, and looking downwards, he could see _everything_.

“This is my bathroom. Relax, I won’t do anything to you Cloud. _This_ is simply more convenient.”

And Cloud resisted the urge to pout as the other man poured a generous amount of shampoo into his hair. He massaged it from the roots, then slowly, doing it section by section until he reached the tips.

Cloud went back to trying to decide what body wash to use. There was an assortment, and before he could say anything, there was a line of pearly white being poured down his back. “Vanilla.”

Cloud took a sniff and tried not to react when the man proceeded to rub his back. Now he knew where the smell came from.

Sephiroth had a very faint smell of vanilla in him. Something that wasn’t there before.

A bottle was handed to him and it clearly said Rose Water infused Conditioner, made by Shinra Corp.

“What’s this?”

“The science department.”

Cloud blinked at the curt answer.

Sephiroth hummed and said, “It took some time before they perfected the scents I preferred.”

“Rose water?” Cloud asked.

“Mild. You wouldn’t really smell it unless you’re close enough.”

Cloud laughed at this a little. Sephiroth reached out for a knob which turned on the rain shower which filled the entire space.

It was relaxing. And loud. Static.

And in the noise, there was silence.

Before long, the man was massaging suds into his hair. Cloud went along with it, thoroughly bemused, unsure what to do with this sudden development.

At the back of his mind, he was sure the man’s fan club would be dying to be in his position, to be able to get a glimpse of the type of brand Sephiroth was keen on using, to how he methodically washed the long white locks. How he used up a quarter of the bottle’s shampoo, and even more conditioner.

It was embarrassing to feel and know that he was so young and small, but he was still growing. Perhaps it was because he was so small that whatever sexual tension he should have been feeling wasn’t completely there yet.

Small mercies.

Stepping out, he realized he didn’t even have a towel but by then, Sephiroth, having open access to his mind, opened a large cabinet which held all his toiletries. The man handed Cloud a fresh bathrobe, and a towel and took another set for himself.

Sephiroth was pleased. He knew it had something to do with him, being visibly under Sephiroth’s watch.

As expected, when he started looking for clothes to wear, Sephiroth shook his head and gave him another bag.

“Wear this instead.”

Cloud blinked and saw black boxers, a white turtleneck, a black coat almost reminiscent to what Sephiroth usually wore with his pauldrons, and black pants.

A normal attire and it was his size.

Cloud’s eyebrows raised and Sephiroth smirked.

**_I had clothes ordered your size._ **

“Why?”

“You will be accompanying me today. Hojo can wait.”

Sephiroth took out the fire materia and cast a low powered fire spell which eased out all the steam from his hair.

“I didn’t know you could do that.”

“Materia has a surprising number of uses that aren’t limited to fighting.”

Cloud filed that knowledge away.

“So where to?”

Cloud began patting his hair down with another towel. He looked at the mirror and wondered how long it would take before he could reach his previous height. He really hated how small he was in comparison. Fingers drumming at the countertop, wondering how much of his life he still had control of.

“We’re going to the outskirts of Midgar, away from prying eyes.”

“Why?” Almost snappishly. Cloud tried to reign in his irritation.

Sephiroth placed the fire materia on a slot in the wall and without the pretense of being human, Cloud watched Sephiroth’s hair untangle itself.

A pointed reminder of who this person was.

**A god.**

“You wanted to talk.”

Cloud tried to stare at the marble black tiles underneath his feet.

He was startled when a hand squeezed his shoulders. And just like that, whatever worry in him seeped away. Just like the time when he was just a _puppet_.

“Cloud. You have no choice but to follow.”

And when those hands left his shoulder, he fought back the urge to sink into the floor, his knees weak.

* * *

He stayed quiet, even when people, SOLDIERs, Turks, and other Shinra personnel began whispering around them, taking pictures and filming.

When they turned on a corridor leading to the SOLDIER training grounds, Cloud’s heart stopped to see a young trooper stationed there without his helmet talking with Angeal.

He could not mistake it.

Sky blue eyes. Spiky black hair, with bangs framing around his face.

When Sephiroth greeted Angeal, Cloud felt rooted to the spot, unable to move.

It was _too soon_.

To see someone who should have lived, instead of him, the reason he was able to survive at all. His _hero._ Still alive. And so young. Just like him.

“Cloud.”

Sephiroth’s voice pierced through his musings and when Cloud looked up, Sephiroth’s hand was outstretched and he took it without thinking.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Sephiroth.

“This is Zack Fair, Angeal’s protegee. He’s just been promoted to SOLDIER Third Class. Zack, meet Cloud.”

“Hey kid!”

Cloud couldn’t take it and looked away.

“Ah, Cloud is a little shy. He’ll warm up to you soon enough...” Angeal assured his protegee.

Zack looked a little sad but grinned, and stretched out his hand.

With great reluctance, Cloud shook the hand. It felt so warm and Cloud tried not to cry just seeing this. Zack looked at him worriedly but gave him a reassuring squeeze.

“If you ever want to hang out, count me in. I heard from Angeal you’re from Nibelheim and we country boys gotta stick together.” 

Cloud just felt like he was going to drown staring at those eyes. He didn’t know what to say.

“I’m afraid we have to go.” Sephiroth pointedly said, and took him away.

Cloud was almost thankful that Sephiroth guided him out. He was having trouble breathing.

“Cloud.”

He looked up to see green staring down at him.

“ _Master?”_

**_Cloud_** **.** **_Focus._ **

Cloud blinked and he noticed he was gripping Sephiroth’s hand too hard and Cloud let go.

The doors to the helipad opened.

And several employees bowed.

“General.”

“Do you have what I asked for?”

“Ah, the package. It has been delivered at the location.”

“Good.” It was almost a purr.

Cloud watched Sephiroth interact with Tseng.

There was a box handed to Sephiroth which he kept in his pocket.

Before long, the Helicopter’s wings began spinning and Sephiroth went in. Cloud followed.

* * *

Cloud was wondering when he’ll be allowed to carry a buster sword. He knew his physique was still too small for one. The Katana was far too small and light. He played with its cord, a simple black one with a red tassel at the end.

How many people would he have to run through with the blade while he was seemingly under Shinra’s influence? He knew how easy it was to end a life. But to preserve it just like how he fought to do before? Just like how Zack did his very best to make sure, his mako addled friend survived at the cost of his life? That was more difficult.

He sometimes wondered why the living must die at all.

He wished he could cry but he couldn’t afford to show weakness in front of Sephiroth.

Even if he knew how Sephiroth could easily feel how unraveled he was from the encounter.

It brought a whole new level of hatred for Hojo who saw the world and its constituents as toys that he could manipulate and test and prod. Just experiments. No blurred lines that could be a saving grace.

Maybe that’s why he had the Katana.

Perhaps Hojo believed he would have the same preference as Sephiroth, with long swords but he couldn’t be even more wrong. He didn’t even bother giving it a name even when it was special, obsidian black, and had a soft ring to it when it sang across the air, unlike the Masamune which was currently propped against the chopper’s side.

He arrived in Midgar the same way, with a Shinra chopper.

It was so loud.

But Sephiroth just had his eyes closed, and he almost looked serene.

Cloud had so many questions.

The one thing he wanted was to know why. Why him? Why not any of Sephiroth’s other friends. Sephiroth looked so close to Angeal and Genesis. Why not take them under his wing instead?

He began to grip the scabbard harder and sighed at getting all worked up.

The chopper began to descend and before they could reach the ground Sephiroth took one look at him before jumping down. It was a steep drop but nothing their enhancements couldn’t handle.

Cloud rolled his eyes at this and followed, feeling the wind whip through his hair before landing with a smattering cloud of dust.

And before he could speak, there was a sword poised at his throat.

He jumped backwards and unsheathed the Katana.

There was a smirk playing at those lips, and Cloud gritted his teeth, annoyed at the sudden attack. He dashed and pushed back, parrying a sword swing that was coming up overhead with slight deflection of his own.

“Oh. So you’re beginning to master this sword as well.”

And with an almost negligent slash of the Masamune, Cloud felt his cheeks bleed. The man’s hair billowed in the wind and he had the gall to comb it back before him. Even when Cloud rushed once more with a sonic break.

Sephiroth was clearly playing with him as he simply evaded the three sword slashes.

Cloud rolled over and looked left and right and before sensing Sephiroth from above.

Cloud huffed at the force of the blows. He raised his sword up and felt the ground give beneath him as their blades collided with a spark. The blades gnashed and gave an ugly sound. His body wasn’t capable of handling Sephiroth’s strength and as he tried to hold his sword against the Masamune, he felt his arms collapse under the weight.

He slid away and went on trying to avoid the attacks which was slowly starting to drain his stamina. Sephiroth’s attacks were fast and relentless. It gave him no time to breathe. He was almost thankful they didn’t fight in Midgar because he couldn’t possibly fight the man in midair when he was clearly at the disadvantage.

He still held on though, refusing to yield because he knew he defeated Sephiroth already, thrice in the past.

**_But that was only because I let you._ **

“Why?”

Cloud huffed and called out for the materia on his bracer, shards of ice chasing Sephiroth away until he stood on top of a rocky outcrop away from him.

“You are weak. Cloud. You know I spared you. Many times. I let you win because I needed you to grow stronger.”

Sephiroth looked disappointed, and before Cloud could blink, there was a sword protruding from his shoulder and Sephiroth carelessly pulled it out and held it suspended above Cloud before stabbing it in the same spot as an afterthought.

“Arghhh!”

Cloud knew the wound would heal in time but it hurt. He held the Masamune with a trembling hand.

“And you’ve lost the strength you’ve painstakingly gathered in the past. But perhaps that is because you still deny your connection to me. It would be _easy._ To give in but even with my hold over your _soul_ you still deny me. The planet is resisting with you. What will it take to break _you?_ ”

Cloud didn’t understand what Sephiroth was saying but winced as the man pulled out the sword from his shoulder slowly and flicked the blood on the ground.

“What do you mean?”

“You lost your memories and it is only through me that you gained it back. The planet does not want you to remember the _other world._ You see, the two of us cannot exist here, and it is only because of my will that you are whole. Without our _mother’s_ interference, Gaia will tear you apart for going against her destiny.”

Cloud felt a burgeoning headache. Jenova. Gaia. He felt as if he was a pawn being pushed to play too many sides.

“Let’s see shall we. What would happen if I removed my influence on you.”

And there was no warning until Cloud collapsed to the dirt, as if the strings that tethered him to the world were abruptly cut.

It was painful, as if every part of his body was being stabbed by multiple needles. His insides were torn apart by a force that was bigger than him. It felt like he was dying, unable to breathe and gasping terribly for air.

**Calamity. Destroyer of Worlds. You do not belong here.**

Gaia’s hatred was all too strong for him.

And he remembered the end of the other world.

_How the rot spread and how Gaia tried to reclaim the lifestream and yet it was still not enough. Geostigma, progressing despite Aerith’s miracle. Sephiroth, taking control of his body and using it to slaughter everything, casting meteor multiple times until the planet was reduced to a fiery ball of ash and yet it was still not enough._

Sephiroth’s gift, **destroying life.**

Destroying him.

And Cloud fought it. And failed.

Because with the planet gone, Cloud was dying and would rather disappear. It was not the ending Sephiroth wanted.

The planet became a vessel, and yet nothing of it remained.

Nothing but an empty vessel.

Cloud hated him. He hated him for destroying everything. For killing Tifa.

_But that was Cloud wasn’t it? Who summoned the Masamune and cut off her head like a careless butcher. Watching all the blood drain out, with no love._

“Haahhh… Nghhh… s-stop...”

Sephiroth pulled him towards him in a loose embrace and Cloud found that he could breathe again. But he felt it, the tears coming out of his eyes. The unnamed emotion that was gnawing at him. Guilt.

“I killed her. You used me. You used me to end…”

“Look around you, the world still exists. This is your second chance.”

Cloud tried to pull away but Sephiroth wouldn’t let him.

“What are you? Why are you doing this? You think you can destroy it and rebuild it back again from scratch?”

Sephiroth began massaging gloved fingers through his scalp and despite everything, it was soothing to Cloud.

“I am a god. I know what awaits this planet’s end. If the planet dies, so will you. As you know, I care not for the creatures that litter the planet. They are stuck in the cycle of death and rebirth until all that has died joins the lifestream and withers away to all but nothing. But _you,_ you will live. If only for me. Cloud… There is more to this reality than just this planet.”

And Cloud felt it, seeing the multiple worlds. The boundless universe that repeats, coalesces to itself, and rips itself apart. The multiple realities that Sephiroth has always called for him. Allies. Enemies. Lovers. Friends. Brothers. **_Family._ **

“I offer you once more. Join me, and I will keep this planet alive, even if it takes a miracle.”

Cloud almost wanted to fold. Because he could feel Sephiroth’s honesty.

But Cloud didn’t understand a thing.

But something about the way he asked was familiar.

How many times in the past did Sephiroth ask him the same thing and how many times did he say no without bothering to hear what the man was talking about? Always preferring to clash swords with the murderer of his village. Of Aerith.

“Why me? You could have anyone. I don’t even know what you mean… by the end… by everything. I just… I just want to live. Normally. And I don’t want you to hurt my friends. I… I’ve lost too much already, you took them away from me, Sephiroth. I still hate you for that.”

Cloud remembered Nibelheim burning. The taste of ash in his mouth. The heat burning through his skin, wondering how the others died screaming before they were slaughtered by the sweet slice of metal.

**_Give in, Cloud._ **

“I…”

“If you don’t, you’ll leave me no choice but to turn you into my _puppet_.”

Cloud pushed himself away when he felt the echo of her call. Jenova’s will. Echoing through Sephiroth.

“It’s Jenova. Isn’t it? That thing isn’t even your mother.”

And at this Cloud winced. As if by denying her, he was denying himself too.

**_Child. My Child. My sweet Child. I adore you._ **

“ _Mother simply wants to continue her existence. And she cares. Deeply. For both of us.”_

“You’re lying.”

Sephiroth was silent. He stepped closer and Cloud felt fear.

“Do you still want to use the planet? To consume worlds just like that?”

“ _I wish to fight destiny._ Each life we consume is a life that is saved. A life that breaks away from the endless cycle. All lives are destined for ruin. All those that die remain dead. It is the law of this world and yet no one has questioned it before. Why must we suffer the loss of those close to us? You and I are different. We have ascended past this meaningless existence, without the lifestream’s influence but part of you wants to die. Because you believe you are one of them. You are still heavily under the planet’s grasp. Can’t you see this Cloud? Do you not want to see beyond a hundred years, a thousand, a million, a billion… I have seen it.”

Cloud shook his head. Normal people lived on for a hundred years. Then they die. Cloud wanted to live and die like another person. He couldn’t fathom living for as long as Sephiroth was telling him he could.

An eternity.

He would lose his mind.

“You won’t, _Cloud. We are one. You are my other half. Destiny would have it no other way.”_

Cloud started laughing at this. It was lies on top of lies. But Sephiroth believed that whatever he spoke of was the truth.

It was madness.

To save people through consuming them? What was it like to consume the living even?

But it was either to come willingly or to be a shell of himself.

Cloud hesitated, “I’m not you. I can’t even begin to see where I fit in all this. I… I haven’t forgiven you for killing my friends. I don’t know… who you are… will you haunt my nightmares, and kill everyone again if I say yes? Why won’t you just stay dead? I’m tired.”

Sephiroth took his hand and the Katana fell with a dull thud on the dirt.

Sephiroth stared at him, and he could feel his ire. The desire to see the world burn.

“I can grant you peace in this life. If none of your friends oppose me, I will not harm them, in return, I want you to stay.”

**_With me. Give in. Take my hand. Do it._ **

Cloud felt miserable. Knowing the world could be damned by his decision.

Cloud did not say anything. He brought his head down slowly. An almost nod. But it was enough.

He knew Sephiroth felt it. Knew it. He was saying yes but he couldn’t even trust his voice to speak.

“Good.”

Sephiroth looked at his bloody form and cast a cure which numbed the pain.

“In time, you will understand. For now. Come. There is someone I’d like you to meet.”

* * *

Cloud was taken back to the time he was strapped on the metal table.

“It shouldn’t take long for the drug to affect him, then we can take a couple of samples.”

And it felt hazy but he was pushing his naked body upwards, trying to find a way to alleviate the need to rub against something. Anything.

“Look at how eager he is.”

Cloud sighed at the feel of gloved hands, brushing up and down his length.

A lady licking her lips at the sight. Collecting his sperm in a bottle. “We’re not done, yet…”

* * *

“That. That’s none of your concern.” Cloud clutched at his head and hated how even his memories were not his anymore.

Sephiroth gave him a measured stare.

**_You forget who you belong to, Cloud._ **

Of course. To Sephiroth it was just a matter of possession.

The man took out a box in his pocket, and began walking towards a nondescript shipping container.

It was several hundred meters away from where they fought. Cloud wasn’t sure why he didn’t notice it. Sephiroth had a way of stealing his attention which makes everything recede in the background.

Before long, they were in front of it.

The box held a key and soon it was open and inside, there was the same lady who touched him lying on the floor, and struggling against the bindings.

Cloud knew it was her, the same blonde hair, freckles, grey eyes.

Cloud could hear her beg through the gag. “Mleasse. Mlease. Von’t”

Sephiroth unsheathed the Masamune and began stabbing her body, making sure to avoid the organs. Her screams were loud.

Sephiroth was smiling.

Every bit of the monster he thought he was. Cloud looked away.

The sound of flesh being repeatedly stabbed was that of a slab of meat. It was almost silent. If not for her thrashing and screaming.

She started peeing herself. And shitting herself.

Cloud felt his hands twitch, and he held it. He was feeling an echo, of the murderous want to kill.

Blood was slowly trickling out of the container, staining the dirt black.

Before long, Sephiroth used the restore materia.

Cloud watched the afternoon sun turn the sky orange. It was a pretty sight. So unlike what horror was inside the small box.

When Sephiroth stepped out, the side of his face was splattered with blood, his boots, sticky with the same. Cloud wished he didn’t bother looking inside, to see the chopped up bits of what was once the doctor.

The man took out his PHS and dialed a number.

“Pick us up. Dispose of the body.”

* * *

Cloud felt like he was walking underwater. The pressure was too great.

Then, he was leaning on a toilet, heaving, puking. And then trying not to think of the way the organs spilled on the floor. How even the woman’s face couldn’t even be recognized anymore.

How far does Sephiroth’s influence go that he can skewer a Shinra employee, no questions asked?

He felt alone, wondering if there was anyone he could actually trust.

But he knew that no one would ever believe him. That he was taken from another world, to… _serve? Join?... Sephiroth? In his quest to prevent the planet’s end?_

He was laughing and crying.

* * *

Somewhere, surrounded by flowers, a young girl heard the cry of the planet.

**_Calamity is approaching._ **

And Aerith Gainsborough saw the bluest of eyes, a tortured soul in the hands of a demon.

**_Our weapon has turned against us. Save him._ **

“How?”

**_You will know. Once you meet him._ **

And Aerith felt and saw the image of an angel, and Gaia began ripping their wings off.

“No… No that’s too terrible.”

**_Destiny._ **

Aerith felt sorrow at this. Wondering if there was no other way. She watched them. The demon pretending to be an angel and caring for the white winged child. Wondering how long can innocence last.

And before them, the stars. The clouds of gas that littered the universe. And the long silence of eternity.

They had time.

A long time.

But the planet was running out of chances

And as Aerith kept looking, the white haired demon lifted a lone black wing, protecting the child from prying eyes and stared at her. _Calamity’s son_ was looking at her, through her, into her.

**_You will not have him again. He does not belong to you._ **

And Aerith screamed as poisonous hate flowed in, and even as she opened up her eyes, she could feel the hate, feeling as if someone tried to strangle her throat and claw out her eyes.

  
_**He’s mine.** _

There was a lone black feather before her.

There were hurried footsteps as the door to the church opened and her mother came running.

“Aerith! What happened?! I heard you scream. Why are you crying…? Is it… is it the planet. I felt it?”

“Mother. Something’s wrong. The planet won’t stop crying.”

* * *

Birds were quite lucky, Zack thought. He was sitting atop the edge of the plate. Looking down below, wondering how easy it was for them to fly away from disaster.

Angeal warned him about his upcoming mission with them in Wutai. The war was still in full swing and his task, just like every SOLDIER was to kill as many insurgents as possible.

“There is no room for honor, but if you can spare a life, you should do it. We are under orders to kill all the combatants, but I know you have never taken a life. This will be a test. As your mentor, I cannot dictate what actions you should take. I will leave it up to your judgment… but if your own life is in danger, don’t hesitate to fight back.”

Too young to drink and yet he was still taking a swig of wine. A cheap one. Something he could easily afford at that. It wasn’t like him to be affected, but today felt heavy.

_“Does the guilt ever go away?”_

Angeal had no answer to that.

“In life, there are many paths. The only way to ease the guilt is to know that you have tried your best. My sword has taken many lives. And so will yours, Zack. This is the line of work that we chose and it’s unavoidable to kill. That doesn’t make you any less of a man. Just remember that.”

Missions were filled with killing monsters. But lately, the missions were filled with killing people too.

He wanted to join SOLDIER because he wanted to be a hero and Angeal was showing him the way. But the way to being a hero wasn’t as simple as he thought it was.

Today, he killed an Avalanche member. He didn’t mean to, but it was easy to forget how strong he became after the Mako enhancements and the Turks he were with just laughed it off and patted his back for a job well done.

And to think the blonde kid, Cloud will be doing the same. His heart ached for the kid. Cloud was nine. He wasn’t even legally supposed to join SOLDIER but Shinra had a reputation for taking in children with high genetic capabilities.

He was opposed to it but Angeal said he was younger when he got introduced to Shinra. And the General was designed to be a SOLDIER from birth. He couldn’t… understand what it was like to only know _fighting._

He wasn’t sure if it was okay. Knowing that the company he worked for was using questionable means to reach their goals. But who was he anyway to question the company. He just hated how he got careless. And Shinra wasn’t to blame for how the man keeled over from the blow of his sword.

Just knowing that someone would never wake up to see their loved ones again. Someone would never see the sky he was looking up to now.

So here he was making a toast, alone, when normally he would be drinking with his friends.

He was Zack Fair. And Heroes shouldn’t cry over spilled milk.

* * *

Underneath the Shinra mansion.

Chaos stirred against Vincent’s consciousness.

_The unthinkable has happened. Your friend is now your foe… What shall you do, Vincent?_

And Vincent saw distant memories of a young blonde haired warrior who once sought to protect the planet. Now it seemed he was on its path to ruin.

Trapped in the sea of memories, all he could do was share a sardonic thought. _Cloud will never let that happen._

But Chaos laughed at this.

Yet with no one to wake them both, they were trapped and only time would tell.

* * *

Tifa Lockheart gasped, looking at the man she loved, carrying the Masamune and sliding it across her neck.

Feeling the pain and shock and betrayal.

Cloud smiling at her, in obvious pleasure.

And fading. Into the darkness. Turning into a monster.

“Cloud!”

Tifa woke up with a start to the sight of her bedroom. Her heart was beating crazy as if it was about to leap out of her chest. She wanted to cry. She wanted to run to her father and tell her about the nightmare. It was just a dream but she was sweating at how real it felt, how she died.

How it felt to die... and before long, some inexplicable urge filled her. She wanted to see Cloud because she had so many questions. Because she knew that she hadn’t been a good friend.

Because when she saw him look so lost, she should have asked but instead kept her distance because some part of her was scared. When Cloud’s eyes turned into slits, she kept quiet and tried not to join the other kids who started hating on Cloud for being so different.

Rumor has it that he’d been taken by Shinra and just like everyone, she was content to stay away and gossip.

Because it wasn’t her business. But some part of her knew that they were meant to be closer.

_And he made a promise that he’ll be a SOLDIER and come back for her._

~~Even if it wasn’t from this lifetime.~~

* * *

There was a knock at the door and in came a doctor.

Cloud had his arms around his knees and tried not to groan when her painted red lips opened.

“Dr. Hojo wants you to come down to the lab, Cloud.”

Sephiroth narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll go.”

Cloud pursed his lips at Sephiroth’s annoyance.

He didn’t want to give any more reason for Sephiroth to hate on people who were just doing their jobs. At least Dr. Melinda’s only fault was to smile very fake smiles.

The ride down the elevator was silent. And Cloud saw through the reflection of the glass that she was wearing the same plastered look that meant to say _I will treat you very nicely, as long as you follow me right this way please_.

Cloud wondered if they knew what happened to their colleague.

He followed her. She opened the door to the labs with a flourish and gestured to a well used room.

Glass doors. Bright white lights.

White tiles, easy to disinfect and clean up.

Hojo pushed up his glasses and gestured to a room where there was a treadmill.

“Run. As fast as you can.”

They had him run for over half an hour to get his heart rate up. Strapped things on his skin and his forehead.

Had him gargle flavored water that contained god knows what.

Measured his temperature, gave him a towel and a bottle of water at room temperature.

Once he started recovering his heart rate, they plunged a syringe filled with green.

Mako.

And took a sample of his blood.

Then, three pills.

“What’s this?” Cloud asked.

“It will help with the nausea from the mako.”

She smiled again, as if that would convince her to swallow the three unnamed pills. For all he knew they would give him tentacles.

“I… don’t need this.”

“Dr. Hojo’s orders. They should help relax your muscles and help you grow taller.”

And the man himself strode inside the room.

“For your age, you’re too short.” He carried a chart that he tapped against the table beside Cloud.

“These pills are designed to help your developing body.”

Cloud resisted the urge to scowl. He knew he was small but they didn’t need to always point it out.

He drank it and before he knew it, his head was swimming.

“Take a look at the wound on his shoulder.”

They prodded the half healed wound that Sephiroth left him.

“Give him a recovery potion.”

Cloud swallowed it but slowly felt that his ears were being stuffed with cotton.

He was butter on the seat and almost asleep when they carried him onto a metal table, shaved off what little hair he had on his torso, and used a device to scan his insides for anything abnormal.

Hojo was nodding to himself. Apparently pleased.

“Next, I would like to measure his rate of healing. Can you cut his shoulder, about an inch wide, and deep.”

And they cut him, and brought a magnifier, recording his healing abilities.

“He heals better now. I wonder if this is because of Mako or because of his exposure to S cells.”

“Sth-Cells?” Cloud couldn’t feel his jaw.

“The mako is mixed with S-Cells.”

“You… you…”

Cloud wanted to complain that he had enough of Sephiroth inside him and he didn’t want any more but he was so tired and sleepy. The injections always made him irritable, not just because it was painful but because SOLDIERs normally didn't receive Mako shots. They received Mako showers. Having the green fluid with S-Cells swimming in his veins was a recipe for disaster. Most people would turn into monsters. And wasn't he more of one, for not turning into an abomination? It was the pills, he knew it, that made him so damn sleepy.

“All good. Send him to the dietician.”

Cloud was carried to a wheelchair and carted off to the dietician.

“Your muscles will be too sore to use for a few days but we assure you it will make them stronger once the drug takes effect. Ah, here we are.”

Cloud looked at another doctor who basically started reprimanding him for ignoring his diet.

“We have videos of you eating chips. Professor Hojo has worked with me to perfect your diet and you have been skimping on them.”

“Sephiroth… s-said… no.” It was difficult to even speak but Cloud was starting to feel his facial muscles more.

“Y-you… the g-general?”

Cloud rolled his eyes. Maybe he should just mention Sephiroth all the time so they could stop bothering him.

But this didn’t deter the man as he was given a boring lecture of how his body was Shinra’s asset. It was a good thing he didn’t say possession or someone else would have had to correct him.

* * *

Then, he was carted off to Sephiroth’s rooms looking like an invalid. And, on the way, Zack Fair just happened to stop by and say hi.

He then flirted with the lady doctor so he could push Cloud’s wheelchair instead.

“I know my way to the General’s room. I’m headed there myself. I can take the load off your shoulder, miss.” Zack’s hands slid on her wrist. “I’m sure you’re busy. I’m a SOLDIER and I’m here to help.” He flashed her a winning smile, possibly unaware of how badly he was affecting her already.

“Ah… I yes. You can. What’s your name? I haven’t seen you before.”

“Zack Fair. Third Class. You can call me Zack. What’s yours?”

“Melinda. Melinda Brooks.”

“Hey, why don’t we exchange numbers. We can grab lunch. What do you say?” He was almost bouncing and his smile was positively disarming.

“Oh sure. Here you go,” and Melinda was blushing as she keyed in her contact details on his phone.

And off she went, waving away.

_‘Gaia help me.’_

Of all the people he could run into. It was Zack.

“So. Cloud, care to tell me why you’re in a wheelchair?”

“Hojo.”

That was all he said and Zack seemed to understand. The name brought everyone the creeps.

“So, what floor?”

“I thought you knew where his rooms are? You said you were heading there.”

Zack put his hands together and bowed, “Sorry I lied.”

“Then… it’s building 3, 61st floor.”

“Do you have the access cards?”

Cloud sighed and said, “it’s in my pocket.”

“Which pocket?”

“My breast pocket.”

And Zack casually put his hand in there, fishing for the key and got it. Cloud sighed.

“You can get in trouble for this.”

“You looked like you needed saving.”

At this, Cloud stilled.

“What? She was making you uncomfortable, so I rescued you. Now stop staring at me like I stole your chocobo.”

Cloud almost wanted to laugh at how silly this all felt. Zack grinned and reached out to fluff his hair.

“Then let’s go. Sephiroth wouldn’t want to be kept waiting.” Cloud smiled back.

“Ah, the general…” Zack suddenly looked worried for his life.

“He’s not all that bad.” Cloud said, and tried not to remember the skewered bodies and burning cities.

“Let’s go then,” Cloud said after a while and Zack complied happily. He promised to himself he wouldn’t let Zack die again. This time, it was his turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all the kudos and comments. In all honesty, having never finished any of the games making a believable story line is almost beyond me but I'm hoping that my research helps. I might download a copy of the original game from steam so I can get a refresher on the ff7 world. I'm still waiting for a PC version of the remake T ^ T Buying a PS4 and a TV isn't part of my plans but if it doesn't come soon I might be forced to do that since I'm such a fan.
> 
> Anyway. Do let me know if you enjoyed this chapter ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ


	3. Domine Deus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud is finally granted the authority to complete missions but with some conditions. He finally spends time with Zack and gets to know his friend a little more.
> 
> But an incident occurs that leaves Sephiroth angry enough to put his plans into motion ahead of time before the planet could ruin it. Dark chapter ahead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was listening to the Remake and can I just say I love Jessie's theme. It's the most relaxing music I've ever listened to. I'll go back a few days from now to proofread this some more. I don't have a beta so all the mistakes are mine. If you find any, please don't hesitate to point it out!!!
> 
> Also, it would be nice to listen to Those Chosen by the Planet at the last segment of the chapter.

The facade of Shinra’s headquarters has not yet been completed.

Cloud clutched at his head when a sharp whining noise entered his ears as the building suddenly shattered before him.

Screams filled the air as the Shinra Headquarters burst into fire and one by one bodies started jumping out of the window, falling to their deaths.

The sky darkened until all he could see was red. Orange. The heat.

The smell nauseating.

“Cloud, hey buddy. Are you alright?”

Cloud looked beside him and saw a dark shadow looming before them. It was ghostly and immaterial and he clenched his hand around the seat of the wheelchair.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“You… you don’t see anything, Zack?”

Zack was smiling at him reassuringly but was a little confused, “See what?”

**_He can’t see it._ **

Sephiroth’s voice entered his head. Cloud gasped for breath.

**_Close your eyes and it will go away._ **

He didn’t want to because if he closed his eyes, that _thing_ might attack him. The bodies kept dropping. The screaming won’t stop.

Cloud whimpered.

And without his consent, his eyes closed themselves.

_‘No!’_

**_Shouldn’t you trust me by now, Cloud?_ **

Cloud shivered, and wanted to say no but then, he noticed the screams, the heat, the frost in his veins had all but disappeared.

**_Tell Zack not to worry._ **

“Cloud. What should I do? Can I give you something to drink?... I shouldn’t have taken you from the doctor. I’m sorry.”

It took awhile for Cloud to find his voice, unable to find the energy to open his eyes.

“I’m fine. Just… don’t talk. My head hurts.”

Cloud’s breathing evened out.

“If you’re sure.”

Zack hurried his pace without trying to jostle him too much. Cloud just massaged his temples and called out.

‘ _What was that?_ ’

**_A Whisper_.**

Cloud knew he wouldn’t get anything more from the man whose amusement could be felt from the other end.

“Shhh.”

That was Zack, probably telling everyone else to stay quiet. It was thoughtful. Just a little while ago he was thinking he should protect him this time around, but it seems Zack would always be the one doing him favors.

“Spike, what floor was it again?”

“Sixty-first.”

“Kay.”

Cloud pressed his head backwards against the seat.

“Thanks, Zack.”

“No problem. Are you feeling better now?”

“A little,” Cloud tried to crinkle open his eyes and found that he could now but winced at the sudden brightness of the world.

“We’re almost there.”

The elevator opened and they came out. It closed silently behind them and he pointed at the apartment before them.

“Wow, he gets a whole floor?”

“Not really. Since this is the top floor, he shares it with the other equipment like the boiler room.”

“It must be nice to live here. We SOLDIER Thirds sometimes have roommates. I’d love an upgrade,” Zack was still sounding a little amazed.

“Once you make it to First, they give you something like this I think,” Cloud answered back.

“But Angeal and Genesis share a room together,” Zack asked out loud. And Cloud chuckled, “Maybe they just like it that way.”

Zack tried to wrap his head around it.

“Ah,” came the forthcoming reply.

“Should I knock?” Zack was slightly nervous but only a little.

Cloud shook his head, “There’s no need. He knows we’re already here. Your voice is pretty loud, Zack.”

Cloud motioned for the key card with an open hand and Zack gave it to him. Cloud tapped it at the door which opened to let them in.

Sephiroth was on the couch, polishing the Masamune. He carved an imposing figure even if he was doing something so mundane.

“I’ll take care of him from here,” came Sephiroth’s smooth baritone, not looking up from the blade.

“Sir, I think he might have a headache. I shouldn’t have stolen him from his doctor but he looked so uncomfortable.”

Cloud tried not to laugh. Zack was digging himself a grave.

“Is that so?” It was slow and measured. Sephiroth then pointed the well oiled Masamune at Zack.

“Make yourself useful and put my sword on the rack.”

The sword was placed on the coffee table, and Sephiroth stood up.

It was all the warning Cloud got until he was scooped out of his seat and carried off to another room that wasn’t his.

Zack did as he was told and Cloud blinked when Zack’s body suddenly froze in midair. Sephiroth didn’t use materia but he could recognize a Stop spell if he saw one.

“The shadow was an Arbiter of Fate. A Whisper. They exist in this world to keep destiny running its course. The burning city of Shinra is one of the many futures that may occur. It’s a warning.”

“I thought it was out to kill me.”

“Hm.”

Sephiroth sat him on the bed and began stripping off his laboratory gown with practiced efficiency. Cloud just let him, entirely too exhausted.

“They can do that. If you are enough of a threat, they will not hesitate to kill you. _However,_ you have my protection. Their existence is a mere nuisance that one day we will have to deal with.”

Cloud nodded, and slowly got sleepy as the blanket was pulled over to his chin.

And just like that, the Stop spell wore off and Cloud tilted his head to watch his friend through the doorway.

Zack stumbled a little and scratched his head, entirely oblivious to the conversation that just happened.

“You can leave now, SOLDIER.”

Cloud thought Sephiroth was being mean for no particular reason and his blue eyes searched for his friend’s. Zack gave him a wave before saying, “Sir,” to Sephiroth in obvious deference, infantryman training still having not completely left his system.

* * *

It was late in the night that Cloud regained consciousness and his PHS was blinking with a few messages.

* * *

_From: Director Lazard_

_SOLDIER Third Class Cloud Strife, I am pleased to inform you that you have been given the opportunity to take on missions. The Science Department has insisted you are well prepared to take care of low level missions around Midgar._

_There are two conditions. You are required to bring a partner with you at all times. The second is that you must wear the Soldier Third Class Helmet to hide your identity. We will evaluate your performance and if satisfactory, you can begin operating as a regular member of SOLDIER after a probationary period. The President has expressed concerns about your safety considering your relatively young age and wishes for you to take it easy._

_I know the company has not been kind to you, so we have prepared an additional gift on top of what the General insisted on. Twice a year, you have been granted approval to visit your mother in Nibelheim._

_Good luck and do not hesitate to reach out to me if you have concerns._

* * *

_From: Zack_

_I got your number from Angeal. Holy. I just want to say Sephiroth is scary. You should have warned me. I thought I was going to die when he pointed his sword at me._

_Anyway, I hope you’re doing fine. You really had me worried but if the great general is the one taking care of you, I’d like to think you’re in good hands._

_There’s been a private announcement to Soldier Thirds that you’re finally joining us on missions. It’s about time. We’re all curious about you and if you’re free, you should hang out with us. I want to introduce you to one of my best buds. You’ll like him. Acts like a Turk though._

* * *

_From: Angeal_

_I hope Zack did not cause you any problems. I have yet to teach him manners._

* * *

Reading that one made Cloud laugh a little. There was mail about ongoing Shinra Urban Development plans and how they’re doing a restructuring for the Science Department for a new Medical Division for SOLDIER. Some shopping flyers, here and there.

Then he paused at the last one. He wondered what was the need for it if the man could just send him telepathic messages. Maybe to keep up appearances? Who knew?

* * *

_From: Sephiroth_

_You and I have been assigned on a mission to visit Corel. Take this mission as a priority. Do not take other missions until I say so._

* * *

Short and curt. It showed nothing but a professional relationship, and nothing of _whatever_ they actually shared. Cloud saw the Missions app and opened it reading the contents of Corel.

* * *

**_Corel Escort Mission._ **

**_WD01065_ **

_εγλ 1997 05 09_

_Insurgents have appeared in protest to the completion of the Corel Reactor. Director Scarlet of the Weapons Department will be visiting the facility accompanied by the press for an official ribbon cutting ceremony. Turks, machinery, and several infantrymen will be on stand-by around the Mako Reactor within a two kilometer radius. Your mission is to protect her, the media and eliminate any threats._

_Click Here for Full Mission Details_

* * *

Cloud bit his lip, and tried not to give in to any annoyance as his memory was pricked by an image of Barret’s ruined hometown. He could hardly remember the man, but he knew briefly, it was one of the many towns that Shinra used brutal force on.

He hit accept knowing he had no choice anyway. He read somewhere in the company handbook that only SOLDIER Firsts could refuse missions.

* * *

Recovery was a slow process, and when he finally felt better, Cloud moved out of the bed and inside his room. He sat on his desk in quiet annoyance and penned a short letter to his mother.

_I hope you’re doing fine, Ma. Shinra has been taking care of me. I hope you’re getting the money they promised to give you. Also, I’m sending you a PHS so you can send me messages anytime._

_I love you._

* * *

Cloud punched his Chocobo plushie and buried his head under his own pillow. He just finished taking a shower and called for the cleaners to replace the white sheets on Sephiroth’s bed that was now stained Mako green. It was stupid. Sephiroth could have used a towel. It was unexpectedly thoughtful.

He frowned, unsure. What was he supposed to do? He hardly knew what was right and wrong now. He wished someone would just point him to the right direction… maybe he should seek out Zack and take him up on the offer to hang out but he was afraid to drag anyone into his mess.

It didn’t help that he was so young and small in this body. And whatever memories he remembered, he couldn’t trust. It was like trying to sift through sand. He knew he was once Cloud Strife. A mercenary. Delivery man. Hero. He defeated Sephiroth.

Did he?

But that was all a lie.

To make him stronger.

“AHhhhhh!” He took the Chocobo and threw it at the wall, before grumpily picking it up from the floor and climbing up the bed and hugging it to himself. He rolled around until he settled for spreading his arms wide open like a starfish.

The world was confusing and sometimes, he felt so alone even if Sephiroth was just there, heck, a mere thought was enough to summon his presence.

He can’t understand him at all. It was like a puzzle. And he just wanted answers.

**_Oh but it’s all there in your head._ **

“Mother?”

Cloud shivered at the feeling of alien warmth that made him feel so light. So complete. So… loved.

Cloud felt dizzy as he clutched at the sheets of the bed.

Jenova _Mother_ ** _MOTHERmotherMotherMother_ **

His entire body was tingling.

Cloud had never heard her voice except once, when they called him a _puppet_. Once upon a time…

He knew he should fight her. But it was like he had no resistance. She was like the sun. And it just felt right to lose all the anger. To release the tension he had around his arms.

To surrender.

**_You recognize me as your mother. How wonderful._ **

Cloud could feel her there, arms wrapping around him where there were none. It felt nice. Cloud laughed and gasped as immaterial fingers combed through his hair and began tracing his face. He could almost see her eyes staring back at him. The smile she wore on her face. Indulgent.

**_Don’t be scared, Cloud._ **

**_Trust us._ **

**_We don’t want to hurt you.  
_ **

**_The truth takes time to accept._ **

But Sephiroth already hurt him many times. And what truth? Sephiroth spoke in riddles he could barely understand. And he was physically stabbed by the Masamune, twice already… in this life. Experimented on by the labs.

They brought him back from hell after destroying all that he cared for… _but did that all really matter? He was safe now wasn’t he? Everything was going to get fixed?_

Cloud tilted his head back and forth and tried to think but couldn’t because _talking to her was far more important. Because her love for him was more important. Because he was Sephiroth’s precious brother._

**_You poor thing._ **

**_You were lonely and I only wish to fill that void._ **

**_Let me in, Cloud._ **

Cloud fell back to his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling as he heard her sing. A voice that was for him alone. It made him sleepy. Tired. Sinking into her warmth, it was like a warm bath _. So nice._ He was safe.

**_You and I will see each other soon. My son. My precious child._ **

Cloud was crying when she vanished, his hands outstretched above him. There was a pleased hum that filled his mind with sweet nothings.

* * *

The SOLDIER floor at Lv. 49 of Shinra HQ didn’t have a lot of people in the early hours of the morning and Cloud was sipping his morning coffee, his legs swinging as he sat and waited with the Katana propped up next to him.

It didn’t take long for Zack to come out of the elevator and he was accompanied by a man who wore the SOLDIER helmet to cover his face.

“Cloud! This is Kunsel. Kunsel, Cloud. What did I tell you, isn’t he adorable?” Zack plopped a hand on the top of his hair which Cloud swatted with an annoyed hand.

“Indeed.”

A hand was raised and Cloud stared at it before shaking it.

It was then that he felt the hum of Jenova. He could _instinctively feel_ the man’s cells, waiting to be called upon and _used_.

**_Don’t do it._ **

It was tempting, because _Mother_ wanted him to use it, to see how much she loved him but Cloud managed to wave the impulse away. He ignored the pleasant buzz of reunion. Then, once Kunsel let go, he drank the rest of his coffee trying to hide his sudden nervousness. Cloud threw away the coffee cup and put his back against the wall, playing with the tassel of his sword.

“I’m Zack’s best friend. I’ve been dying to meet you Cloud. Ever since I heard of you, I was curious. All information about you is classified, you know? The Science Department tried to keep you under wraps. I thought it was _just_ a rumor. Never thought we’d see you here weeks ago. The director told us to keep our distance because you’re so young but, like Zack said, you have got to be the cutest thing we have the pleasure of seeing around here. If you don’t remember, I’m the one who gave you food.”

Cloud’s lips formed and Oh, and he exclaimed, “The Chips guy!”

“That’s me.” Kunsel pat his chest proudly.

“Hey, you didn’t tell me you knew each other already,” cut off Zack and he nudged Kunsel’s side.

“You were still away in Wutai at that time.”

Zack nodded and turned to Cloud, bouncing at the heels of his feet. He had a wide smile and companionably leaned on the smaller boy. “So are you free? Want to do a mission together? I don’t have anything to do right now, but I want to start using my new sword. My old one broke. There’s bounty hunts for monsters around the slums. Or do you just want to hang out and eat?”

Cloud started humming.

The buzz was still there and it wasn’t until Zack let go that Cloud could think to himself.

“What’s it going to be Cloud?” Zack started doing squats to settle his excitement.

He looked out and saw how the sky was still a mess of pink and violet, the sun just about to shine through the glass windows. He hated being cooped up in Midgar anyway, but he didn’t think they’d allow him to take a mission that was too far away. He was a precious untested company asset after all. _For now._

“Let’s go for a mission.”

Zack grinned. Cloud had a brief headache and sighed. Of course Sephiroth would be angry at his little act of rebellion.

“Alright, I know, let’s look at the mission board and choose from there.”

Cloud followed them to a place he rarely frequented. The Briefing Room. Inside, Kunsel pointed at the metal pods on the wall that had scanners on them, “We get free stuff from here. It’s useful stuff for missions. I wish they’d just send Gil so we can actually buy what we want.”

Cloud laughed at this and Kunsel asked him, “Wanna try?”

Cloud considered his bank account and said, “No, I’m good.”

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who said no to freebies.”

And Zack popped his ID and said, “Don’t mind if I do.”

He fished out a Star Pendant. “Lucky me.”

Kunsel was trying to muffle a laugh and failing.

“We can register for missions with the PHS but we can also do it with this console. I don’t know the real maximum number for a unit but here in SOLDIER, we typically do missions solo. If we want to kill time or the mission is too difficult, they ask for two or three operatives in a party, sometimes even with grunt backup.”

Cloud clapped, “You’re so good at explaining, Kunsel. Maybe you should consider being an instructor.”

The man smiled at him, “Haha. I get that a lot. But no, SOLDIER’s where my heart is. And as for why I’m being extra helpful, you’re like our little brother now. Gotta teach you the ropes and all.”

“For Honor.” Zack said, an imitation of Angeal’s voice.

“You guys are funny.”

Zack whispered into Cloud’s ears, “Just between me and you. I think you need more friends since you’re stuck with the General. I heard he’s not all that friendly. Always so serious.”

Cloud supposed he was not allowed to tell Zack that anything he was sharing with him in confidence was practically an open book to Sephiroth so it was a bad idea _badmouthing_ him in his presence but.

_Secrets. Need to be kept. Ironically._

“Yeah. The General huh. Rumor has it he has never ever bled or cried,” Kunsel mouthed appreciatively. 

‘ _Wrong.’_

But Cloud didn’t comment.

“So. Take your Pick.”

Cloud chose Midgar, and saw a number of low level ones. After careful consideration, he chose the **Mako Reactor 5 Monster Clean Up**.

“This one? Isn’t this a little too easy?”

“Lazard said to stick to low level missions so…” Cloud wasn't sure what else to say.

Kunsel grinned, “Alright then. Let’s go if you’re ready.”

Cloud grinned and strapped his katana to his side, “Let’s mosey.”

“Who even says that anymore?”

* * *

He was running as fast as his feet could carry him, shouting in panic as Kunsel got buried under five Monodrives. Little pink heads bobbed menacingly with solid tentacles that can drill holes and shoot fire spells.

“Why are they malfunctioning!? I thought we were here to do a monster clean up, not fight Shinra’s tech!” Zack asked.

Cloud just grunted as he hurled the katana at the mass of monsters and then proceeded to do an imitation of Beat Rush, punching and kicking, then landing on all fours, pushing them away from Kunsel who was struggling to stand up. He then picked up his sword and tried to sense the enemy.

He rolled away as one sharp tentacle came down over his head, which was swatted out by Zack, wielding his sword like a bat.

“Can’t damage those things too much. They’re still Shinra property,” Kunsel grunted as he finally got up and drank a potion. “Just read a message from Lazard saying something’s wrong with the AI network in this place.”

“I think I know who’s behind this,” Cloud said, and pursed his lips as mechanical whirring was heard from beyond the corridor.

“Duck.”

Cloud leapt above and spun in the air, avoiding a blinding white laser beam that was sent their way. Then with a neat slice, he cleaved a Laser Cannon in two. Their spidery limbs twitched and Cloud almost wanted to curse when his senses picked up noise. “There’s more coming.” Cloud’s prepubescent voice was tiny and if he wasn’t wielding his sword like a master, he knew the two wouldn’t hesitate to pull him out of the front lines, the worry on their face was just _upsetting_.

“You’re so puny but so strong, kiddo” Zack jokingly said, after he landed behind him, casting a cure on himself.

Cloud merely nodded as he sliced through bullets coming his way. “Save it for later, Zack.”

Kunsel went support and cast a wall on all three of them. He walked slowly, favoring his right side, taking out two sickles for close combat.

Cloud then cast a Firaga at the enemy bots, then a Blizzaga at the remaining Monodrives. That took a huge chunk and he opened his jacket for a quick drink of ether. He tossed another one to Zack.

“Thanks, hey. Don’t rush by yourself! Wait up, Cloud.”

But Cloud was annoyed. Why were they endangering his friends when all they really wanted was his _data_. He knew it was Hojo behind it, possibly with the cooperation of the Weapons Department.

‘ _So this is why he didn’t want me to take any missions.’_

There was no answering barb from the other end, nothing at all and that hurt a little. Cloud’s eyes narrowed into slits when the walls got torn by bullets. From above, a large hulking mass of a weapon showed itself and he cursed.

“Zack, Kunsel, get back!”

Cloud flattened his hand on the blade and cast haste on himself, darting forward and underneath the jet propulsion, slicing upwards and damaging one of its jets to hinder its mobility.

He read the name Airbuster prototype 0 as he slid underneath over the otherside of the metal railings and it only took a moment of distraction when a metallic hand whirled and caught his body and squeezed.

“Agh!”

It hurt. Cloud gasped and mechanically thought that at the very least, none of his arms were broken but it crushed his lungs and it made him dizzy.

And Zack landed beside it, kicking down the arm and physically trying to pry open the hands that held him.

“Cloud. What the hell are you doing? You’re going to give me a heart attack. We’re a team. Don’t go off doing things on your own without us behind you.”

He said this as he finally pulled Cloud out and Cloud winced as he stretched his arms upwards.

“I’m… okay.”

Then Zack started rending the weapon before them into little pieces. Letting loose and screaming at the top of his lungs. Almost berserk.

“Zack, he’s a SOLDIER. Not a kid. He can take a beating or two.”

“I know that! But I’m going to get killed if I don’t get him back in one piece.”

Kunsel laughed a little and cast a cure on Cloud who muttered a thanks. Then, hands were on the sides of Cloud’s helmet, shaking it sternly, “But Zack is right. You should learn to rely on us. I just got caught off-guard a while ago but we’re not that weak that we need your protection.”

Kunsel pat Cloud’s back and Cloud was thankful for the helmet on his face because he was blushing. He panicked because he saw Kunsel almost lose consciousness and it reminded him of the many times he was helpless and couldn’t protect his friends so he tried being the hero.

It was the adrenalin of being in actual fight where people around him can get killed. It only took _one_ mistake. Better him than his teammates.

“Come on, let’s help him beat that thing.”

But before Kunsel could move forward to attack it, his PHS rang, “Director Lazard! Yes. We’re currently fighting it… But sir, that’s impossible. It’s on a rampage. If we try to run away, one of us might get killed. I understand. I… I know what you mean, sir. It’s not impossible if you put it that way. Of course, sir. We will try our best.”

Kunsel pocketed the phone and gave a heavy sigh. Then he shouted, “Zack! We have to disable the battery. Do you think you can pry it loose? Director Lazard called saying it’s priceless and if we destroy it, he’s going to have to take it out on our paychecks. He said there’s four dots where it should be. You just gotta take it out.”

“Easy for you to say.” Zack stomped down on the thing and searched for the mark. Then the mechanical arm took his ankle and swung him around before tossing him in midair and he was going to fall down the Mako Reactor.

“Woah! A little help!”

Cloud leapt up and caught Zack with a small oof, landing safely back on the railings and then he pointed, “There. It’s hidden beside the right eye.”

He cast haste on Zack who gave him a salute before diving for the Airbuster who fired on him as he was soaring through the air.

Zack plunged his weapon down the thing’s right camera eye, tearing open metal and pulled at the wires. The Machine wobbled as he pried a rectangular chunk of Mako battery with brute force.

Kunsel grinned, “Mission accomplished.”

Zack was happily waving the battery until the Machine fell down with a thud. Cloud gasped and moved before he could process the thought.

He was beside Zack, holding on to him and telling him to, “Move!”

But the heavy weight of the massive Airbuster falling against the wall brought down damaged pipes from above, and the floor underneath them collapsed.

Something hit Cloud’s head point blank and everything faded to black.

* * *

The sound of birds singing.

It was sweet.

A ruffle in the wind.

Flowers. They reminded him of a long forgotten memory.

He wanted to sleep forever.

But footsteps were pacing back and forth and something was touching his face, prodding it, again and again.

Cloud grabbed the offending thing, intending to crush the enemy when he heard a familiar voice in pain.

“T-That… hurts.”

Cloud’s blue eyes were wide open and he let go immediately.

He couldn’t speak as he held his head.

Utter shock at seeing her again, so soon.

  
She was so young, just a little girl. Probably in her early teens. She was smiling down at him, wearing a white dress. Her green eyes were so warm. The white ribbon that held Holy, tucked against her brown hair.

It glinted like an accessory.

She pressed both hands together, soothing the painful fingers of her right hand. When she spoke again, it was to explain, “You were bleeding. And there’s no doctor around here. I was just about to finish cleaning your face… I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

And beside her, there was a basket full of white cloth, soiled with blood.

Memories came back and Cloud gasped, “Where’s Zack…”

He looked around in panic and saw his friend just a few paces away from him. Still unconscious.

“He won’t wake but I think he’s just sleeping. But, are you… okay?”

Cloud flinched when she reached out for him. The same gentle hands. He didn’t deserve to be touched by it.

“I’m okay. It’s none of your business,” Cloud said harshly.

He didn’t mean to be so cold.

She looked down and Cloud knew he already hurt her. He didn’t want to. But it was best if he just stayed away.

“It’s my fault. I should have been more careful. I’m Aerith… What’s your name?”

A piercing of pain coursed through his body as his back arched. Cloud gasped. “I…hah…”

**_Cloud, stay away from the Ancient._ **

He winced at the anger and clutched at his head. He stood up, trying not to trip or step on the flowers that he knew she so dearly loved. She looked at him with honest concern, hesitating to help him when he was waving his hands to stay away.

Cloud managed to get back to one dark corner of the familiar church, away from the sunlight. Away from her.

He just needed to stay away. Sephiroth’s rage was still there, albeit fading as he did as he was told.

“Please, just leave me alone. I’ll be okay.”

Aerith stood up, stepping away from the mound of flowers and carefully stepped closer to him, ever so slowly, making no sudden movements, as if she was afraid he’d run away.

“Are you sure?”

Cloud watched in horror as her mouth opened, his name on her lips when a pained groan came from his friend.

Aerith forgot all about him and went to Zack’s side. Seeing the two next to each other, they looked like the perfect picture, as a butterfly landed on Aerith’s head. 

That was how it should be.

Zack took to her like she was the goddess personified. The smile that lit up Zack was funny. “Am I in heaven?”

“No, silly. You’re in a church, in the slums.”

Zack groaned, and asked, “How.”

“You fell.”

Aerith chuckled at his confusion.

“I fell? From up there?”

“Uhuh. You’re okay then? Are you hurt?”

“I’m all fine, thanks to you?”

Aerith shook her head, “No I did nothing, silly. All I did was wait for you to wake up.”

“I’m Zack, and you are?”

“Aerith,” came the shy answer.

“Was I out for a long time?”

“No. But your friend…”

“Ah shit, Cloud.”

Cloud slid down the wall. He really didn’t want to be there. It was supposed to be their moment.

Zack tried to stand but stumbled instead. “Ah. Man, I busted my knee. I’m going to hear it from Angeal again.”

After some effort, Zack managed to stand up and limped towards Cloud.

“Hey. Cloud. You’re alive! We’re alive!”

Then Zack was hugging him.

Cloud wasn’t himself then, and with trembling hands, he pushed Zack away.

Then, Zack saw blood on his hands.

“Shit, you’re injured. You have an elixir or potion on you?”

Cloud patted his jacket and Zack filched out one for himself and Cloud.

They both drank it.

“Hey Aerith, this is Cloud. He saved my life. He’s my Hero!”

‘Zack, please don’t say that…’

Cloud elbowed Zack and shook his head. “Shut up Zack. We shouldn’t be talking to strangers.”

Aerith looked a little hurt and Zack looked at the two of them who seemed to be avoiding each other’s gazes. “Aww. Aerith isn’t a stranger if you already know her name. ”

Cloud just looked away stubbornly.

“Don’t worry about him, Aerith. Cloud is just a little shy but he’s such a sweet kid if you get to know him.”

Aerith stepped closer, hesitating and said, “I know. He just looks like he needs a little push… to get out of his shell.”

She patted the dirt off her knees and she came closer to where Zack and Cloud was.

“The least you can do is thank me for cleaning you up, right Cloud?” Aerith said with a teasing smile as she swayed from left to right.

Zack laughed. “Yeah, Cloud. A nice girl just saved us. What do you say? Where are your manners?”

Aerith just put her hand to her mouth and chuckled.

Cloud almost pouted and murmured, “Thank you.”

**_What is so precious about this woman’s smile?_ **

**_My son, do you desire her?_ **

_‘No… I… just… want to keep her safe.’_

Cloud felt something in him give, as mirth filled him, and he fought the urge not to shiver as the cold followed and her deep hatred for the ancient.

Jenova’s hate made him sluggish but when Aerith touched him, it seeped out and withered away into nothingness. Peace. As if his head belonged to him for the first time. The voices so quiet. And he didn't feel alone. Like she was going to take him away somewhere safe.

And it was then when the doors to the church opened.

“I found them!”

When Cloud looked at the doors, he saw Turks and a couple of SOLDIER 2nds and 3rds together with Kunsel.

Cloud stood up and felt a hint of foreboding as he looked at Aerith who was now surrounded by four wraiths, stepping backwards, in fear.

“You’re with Shinra?”

Zack nodded, “Yeah. They’re just here to pick us up I guess. They won’t hurt you.”

Cloud pushed himself away from the wall and tried to look for his missing helmet. He saw one that was smashed up against the pillar. He went towards it and picked it up, wondering if there was any use to getting it back with him.

His head was still pounding once more. It was becoming annoying. He knew it was because of her. Cloud wished he could risk holding her hand, craving for peace. But Aerith had done enough for him. And he was already shaking withdread as Sephiroth's voice in his head became nothing but intermediate static. It hurt. And it wasn't stopping any time soon.

“SOLDIER Strife. Can you hear me? Please wear this instead.”

Cloud was handed a new one, and gave away his damaged helmet to the Turk. It was Tseng again and the man narrowed his eyes at the basket with bandages that sat next to the flowers.

“We will be confiscating this.” Tseng knelt and picked up the basket and handed it to a Biohazard team. Troops covered in white hazmat suits equipped with large hoses and medi bots.

Aerith moved to protest and Zack held her hand, shaking his head. “I’ll just buy you another one okay. No point arguing with those guys.”

Tseng turned to Zack as the rest of the Turks began expecting the wreckage of the church. The rest of the Biohazard team started spraying around the area.

“SOLDIER Fair, the Director is waiting for you to report on the mission. Report to him at your earliest convenience.”

Kunsel jogged towards them, “I thought you two were goners but a girl Turk met up with me and told me to come to Sector 5 Slums. You must be special, Cloud. Your retrieval went up as code Yellow on SOLDIER missions in Midgar. Haha. They’re doing a bad job of hiding it though, maybe I should kidnap you and I’ll become a millionaire.”

Cloud laughed at this and privately thought darkly unable to speak, ‘ _Or you’ll be dead before you know it’._

Tseng chose this moment to echo Cloud’s thoughts, “I will suggest you pack your bags and leave, SOLDIER Kunsel, Cloud Strife is a very important asset to the company and you are not.”

Kunsel took a step back and hurriedly said, “It was a joke, man!”

And Tseng replied with a straight face, “I was joking too.”

Kunsel heaved a sigh of relief. “That was one mean joke.”

Zack was saying his goodbye to Aerith who looked very uncomfortable and said, “Please… don’t step on the flowers.”

Tseng held up a hand and announced, “Mind the flowers.”

The rest of the team nodded and Tseng spoke to his mic, “Everything seems to be in order.”

“Thank you,” Aerith said and stepped back when Tseng moved closer. “A word, lady.”

Zack stepped next to Tseng and said, “You know her?”

“It’s classified.”

Cloud started moving away, despite the large part of him that wished to just stay there and obsessively watch over the reason for why he sought eternal atonement. Just seeing her smile was enough.

She wasn’t his Aerith. And yet he'd be damned to see her die another time.

* * *

Director Lazard praised him for performing exceptionally well for his first mission. There were a lot of damages but it had an unexpected boon since it was necessary to check the facility’s building quality and the mission exposed many vulnerabilities of the reactor design. They discovered a problem in the structural components of the reactors so they passed the blame to the Urban Planning Department who promised to do inspections and repairs ASAP.

The Weapons Department issued a formal apology and began developing ways to prevent hackers from taking control of Shinra technology. Furthering research and development in remote operations became a top priority overnight and motions to improve their prototype with the battle data that was gathered was definitely in the making.

Platitudes were great even though empty but Cloud knew taking the mission was a mistake.

Right now, Cloud was bleeding on the floor. He was trembling as Sephiroth pulled out the Masamune from his arm.

He was trying his best not to scream. It hurt so bad.

“I am disappointed.”

He righted himself back on the kneeling position Sephiroth told him to assume.

The floor of the training room showed him his form. A nine year old little boy with gashes all over.

The Masamune was under his chin, tilting it up so Sephiroth could look at him with condescension.

“I gave you an order and you disobeyed it.”

Cloud glared back.

Hojo was watching behind the one-way mirror. And this was every bit of a performance because to torture him, Sephiroth just needed a thought, which was worse than physical pain.

Sephiroth suggested he needed to discipline him when he arrived a day after the mission so here they were, in the dead hours of the night with cameras turned off and windows blocked for what should have been a private spar but was just a public torture session. In return for the privacy, Hojo said he wanted to watch. It made Cloud’s skin crawl.

And maybe the public humiliation was worse and Sephiroth enjoyed his suffering because the man was still rightfully angry.

“Pick up your sword.”

Cloud was struggling to stand, and leapt back, his sword in hand, ignoring his injured arm and held out the blade in front of him, guarding himself from any attack...

The first blow sent him flying against the wall, coughing out blood.

Sephiroth smiled and said, “How weak.”

Cloud grit his teeth and pushed himself away, kicking off with as much momentum and with a shout, he brought down his sword meeting the Masamune head on.

The blade was whining desperately as he pushed with whatever strength he had left. Moving as fast as his small body could carry him, he stepped away and in desperation, he attempted a sequence that his older body could have done easily, an omnislash that usually killed off _Sephiroth_ in the past.

But the first slash broke his sword in half and by then Sephiroth had his hands on Cloud’s neck, raising him up from the floor and crushing his windpipe.

**_Did you really think you can use that on me, the way you are now?_ **

He was dangling from the floor and Cloud used the Katana to swipe against Sephiroth but his fingers let go of the sword when he stopped breathing.

**_Mother is angry with you._** **_Do you know why?_**

Cloud whimpered as the entire world started turning black. His legs were kicking under him and Sephiroth let him go after he almost lost consciousness.

Cloud curled up, and started coughing.

“Pick up your sword.”

A researcher interrupted, “But his sword is broken, General. Perhaps we should stop this session. We have collected enough data to update the VR…”

Hojo was laughing gleefully, “Proceed. I am seeing first hand how _her_ children interact. This is useful for my research. You will not interrupt them again until their fight is over.”

“But sir, SOLDIER Strife is almost…”

There was a buzzing sound as the sound got cut off.

Sephiroth prowled, “If you do not pick up your weapon, I will attack you.”

Cloud’s eyes closed and when he opened it, his vision was blurry. He tried to focus on his weapon which was on his left and crawled towards it, reaching out with his right hand.

Sephiroth watched him coldly as he stepped down on the sword. Cloud pulled at it but Sephiroth merely stabbed his hand down.

“Aggghhh!” Cloud was panting for breath and tried to calm his breathing down. Tried to keep the tears at bay.

“You forget, there are consequences for your actions. Just because you are a child doesn’t mean your enemy will forgive you or grant you any mercy. If I wished to kill you, you would die. Is there any point in keeping you alive?”

The Masamune was pulled out and Cloud used his other hand to pull the broken sword off the floor and somersaulted backwards.

He then attempted to do a cross slash, which managed to taper off some of Sehiroth’s hair. Cloud smiled at that until his vision blurred.

And before he knew it, he was floating off the floor, Masamune stabbed through his body yet again. It was close to where his heart was. Only just by an inch and he scrabbled at the blade. Trying to pull it out. Wanting to live because he was _scared_.

“Pathetic.”

Cloud was tossed to the floor and skidded over, a line of blood painting the glass red. He coughed out blood and put a hand on his chest, trying to stop the blood.

Sephiroth made a displeased sound and was about to cast Thundara, the air around him crackling when the doors to the training room opened and a buster sword met the Masamune and someone pulled Cloud away to safety.

Cloud felt hands on his face, and a green glow.

“Sephiroth. What is the meaning of this?”

It was Angeal’s voice and he was trembling with anger.

“How I choose to discipline my own student is none of your concern. He ignored a direct order.”

“He’s almost dead! Can’t you see that?”

Cloud looked up at the blurry face of Genesis.

It felt weird to know that a complete stranger some part of him recognized as a failure was here, helping him.

It’s true. His body was small. He was weak. Maybe that’s why Sephiroth was so upset.

_Maybe he was wrong._

“I’m sorry,” came his small voice.

Sephiroth sheathed the Masamune and stepped towards Cloud.

“No. I will not let you hurt him again. You are not fit to take care of a child.”

“Cloud is a part of SOLDIER. Do not make special concessions just because of his age,” Sephiroth spread out his arms.

“I can’t let this continue, Sephiroth. You will break him. He’s not like you. He’s just a normal boy.”

Sephiroth then laughed at this, **_at how wrong they are_ ** and said, “ _Cloud,_ come.”

Cloud pushed himself up, away from Genesis who let him go in silent shock. He stumbled a little as he put his hand on Angeal’s sword. He had his head bowed as he stood before Sephiroth.

It was so painful to feel his ire. _Her_ disappointment.

A gloved hand rested on top of his head, a small gesture of comfort and that was all he was going to get, “Dry your tears. I want you to reflect on your actions while I deal with my friends. We leave for Corel in two days.”

When he left the training room, Cloud wasn’t surprised to hear swords clashing and Sephiroth’s mocking voice.

Cloud didn’t want them to fight because of him, but unlike before, he had neither power nor authority to stop it.

A researcher rushed out to heal him and at the very least sterilize his wounds. “Do you need help, Cloud?”

Cloud shook his head and pushed him away. “I’m okay.”

He saw Zack inside the room, arguing with Hojo. The idiot. It was probably him who ratted them out. But he had no energy to do anything else. He just wanted to run. Run far away as far as his legs could carry him. It was humiliating.

_Weak._

It took a beating just to cement it to his skull that he was impossibly _weak._

And that no one expected heroics from him. That this life of his didn’t _belong_ to him alone and his disobedience wouldn’t go unpunished. He was pushing his luck and he got off easy but it still hurt. It was difficult to control his own emotions as he struggled not to cry and it was almost a miracle that he even got back to Sephiroth’s apartment and his room.

_Because where else would he go?_

He sobbed in the shower, crying like the child that he was as he watched blood dribble down the drain.

He then locked himself in his room.

Jenova’s anger was like being kept underwater. Unable to breathe air into his lungs.

That was an even bigger problem.

* * *

Corel wasn’t yet the dumpster that he thought it was but the protests were bad and his chest ached for the needless massacre he saw close by that occurred minutes before their chopper arrived at the reactor.

Scarlet was smiling at the camera as the press followed her around, having asked question after question.

“What are your thoughts on Wutai? Do you think they will agree to Shinra’s proposal regarding the ceasefire and the cessation of rights to their neighboring lands for the Mako Reactor Project?”

Scarlet was all smiles, “The war is ongoing and I am not worried at all because I have utmost confidence with the strength of our SOLDIERs. They are backed by Shinra’s finest, The Peace Keeping Troops and my own battalion. It is within their best interest to sign the treaty before more casualties arise from their side.” Then she looked behind her and gestured for Sephiroth to step forward.

The camera clicked multiple times.

“Shinra only wants to bring the new technology to all regions of the planet. Our progress regarding Wutai is classified but as Director Scarlet said, we are confident the War will be over soon.”

There were a few more hands and Scarlet chose to pick the one from the back.

“My sources told me that some locals have died when the reactor was built over their land. Is there any truth to this?”

Scarlet’s lips twitched and she gave her sweetest smile before she placed a hand on her hips and motioned for one of the Turks to mark the reporter with a hand behind her back.

“This is false. Rest assured, we take the safety of the residents in high consideration before our own. Proper procedures have been met and the legal documents regarding the signing over of this land to Shinra is available on our website.”

Cloud shuffled nervously as he saw movement to the back and saw a man pointing a gun at Scarlet. He didn’t want to but spoke into his mouthpiece, “Guy on the back, red headband.”

The Turks heard it, and soon, there, someone was dragging him away, a Turk dressed as a commoner.

Scarlet smiled at him in thanks, having picked up on his voice with their linked earpiece and Cloud wasn’t sure what to feel about having the woman’s gratitude.

The camera focused on Scarlet again, “Today is a joyous day and again, we wish to thank everyone who made the establishment of yet another Mako Reactor in the region a success. This will surely help usher the future of the planet, and we hope that soon, the rest of the world will share our vision.”

Then, Cloud melted into the background behind Sephiroth as Scarlet waved, giving a few kisses to the well wishers. Soon she was handed scissors on an expensive looking pillow to cut the large red ribbon that was tied at the Mako Reactor’s front bridge.

Scarlet bowed as she graciously accepted a bouquet handed out by the fake villager head.

* * *

Once the event was over, Cloud watched with dread as the reporter that asked a rather incriminating question was pulled over for interrogation in front of Scarlet.

There was a sack over his head and he was sitting tied on a chair. Typical.

Scarlet asked him to come over and placed a kiss on his helmet. “This is for saving my life. Director Lazard will hear of this on my report. Now you’re free to go. What’s going to happen next isn’t something you should watch.”

She shooed him away with an excited smile as she summoned a nameless grunt to become her footstool.

Sephiroth stood outside of the makeshift Shinra office beside the reactor. His hair was being blown by the wind.

“Are you still in pain?”

Cloud looked up at the enigmatic man who all but beat him to death and asked himself the question.

“Yes.”

Sephiroth faced him, and the man removed his gloves, carefully biting the tip of his finger.

“Lick.”

Cloud knew subconsciously that this was wrong but with shaky hands, he lifted his helmet off his face. Then, he stretched out his tongue, to lick at the blood that sat at the surface of the skin.

It was metallic.

Just like the taste of his own blood.

But, Cloud clutched at his heart as something in his body responded. Cells moving to repair the remainder of what materia and potions cannot.

Sephiroth considered him, and pulled back his gloves. Satisfied and appeased.

“Follow me.”

* * *

They went inside the reactor, and Cloud was surprised to see Researchers and Dr. Hojo there who greeted them at the very end.

_‘Why are they here?’_

Sephiroth was quiet.

Cloud hesitated and when he felt a voice start singing in his head and he stumbled, falling to Sephiroth’s chest.

Her unholy voice was singing out to him in welcome.

**_My son. My son… My sons._ **

**_How I’ve missed you both._ **

“She’s here?”

And Hojo smiled, pushing the glasses up and chuckling to himself, “The President has agreed to conduct this experiment in secret. I’m glad you have decided to participate, Sephiroth.”

The doors to a large chamber opened and it was titled JENOVA.

Laughter was bubbling at the back of Cloud’s throat as everything felt rather, heavy.

‘ _Why are we here?’_

**_Didn’t she tell you, she will see you soon?_ **

The metal doors opened and they were ushered in. Hojo chuckling madly in obvious glee.

Sephiroth had a hand behind his back. Cloud was staring back at the inhuman face of **_MOTHER_** _._

Whispers were echoing around her, voices, in pleasant welcome.

**_My precious little boy._ **

~~**_My son. Cloud. My son._ ** ~~

**_It’s so good to see you._ **

Her voice was echoing everywhere. Soft. And Cloud swayed unsteadily.

“ _Mother?”_

Sephiroth smiled and greeted her, “Mother, I’ve brought you a gift.”

**_Lovely gift he is._ **

~~**_I cannot wait._ ** ~~

**_I wish to have him NOW._ **

**_Sephiroth._ **

Sephiroth was gazing adoringly at the glass covered body. Jenova was in a frozen state but Cloud felt her come alive in his head and her call was so strong Cloud collapsed, feeling his entire body resonate.

He knelt to the ground and wrapped arms around himself as he lost touch of his body, nothing but body now. Just a doll. Floating.

A vessel for her will.

**_My son. There is so much for you to learn._ **

**_Your body is not strong enough._ **

**_And yet you endanger yourself needlessly._ **

**_Do not worry, I will fix that._ **

**_Mother, will make you eternal._ **

**_Strong._ **

**_And every bit of a God._ **

“Please...”

Cloud wasn’t sure what he was begging for.

And he heard her laugh. Echoing in the chamber. Nowhere. And everywhere at once.

Sephiroth looked down at him fondly. Green eyes smiling in mirth, and malice. “It’s time you lose your _humanity_ , Cloud.”

It was a whisper. A promise.

It was a purr. Cloud collapsed to the floor and stared at the ceiling unseeingly.

And Sephiroth hit the button, after pressing in a series of numbers. The case opened, mako and frozen solution washing down at their feet.

Their mother was crooning in delight. Figuratively stretching out her limbs from a deep slumber.

**_Eat my flesh…_ **

**_Your body will become as mine once did._ **

**_Cloud._ **

**_You will finally be mine. As my real son._ **

Cloud felt Sephiroth pull him to his lap, and watched as Sephiroth tore a hand away and set it before his mouth.

Some small almost forgotten part of him was protesting as his lips parted easily.

And. The first taste was inexplicable.

Ambrosia. Pleasure.

There was a void that fell around him.

An eternity of silence. As he got lost in the feeling. 

Jenova’s will resonated within him, as his body and mind took her in and all of her wonderful gifts. _The endless solitude of looking for the destined place, where once there were many of her, and now there were only fragments, seeking out existences, trapped against the vastness of the universe that continued to expand, contract, and disappear. And be_ **reborn**.

And it was lonely and it made him feel ever so _hungry_ . So hungry to consume. To feed. The unfathomable search for _life_ and all forms of it, to feed _his_ own.

Cloud’s mouth watered and wrapped around the flesh, teeth rending old flesh that pulsed with familiarity. His pupils were tiny pinpricks, unmindful of the blue blood that coated his mouth. Not aware of the two pale white wings that sprouted behind his back.

Blue eyes were tinged with the waves of purple and violet. An awful whining sound vibrated in the metal chamber. Blonde hair morphed into white before going back to its pale blonde color as the body underwent its changes.

And inside, Cloud’s mind was lost in her voice.

And while Jenova’s love was warm and true, Cloud felt her mother’s agony.

**_I have waited for so long. Aeons._ **

**_The Cetra bound me against my will._ **

**_I only wished to feed._ **

**_They kept me asleep for an eternity._ **

**_Alone._ **

**_I waited for someone to answer my call._ **

**_And my first true child came._ **

**_Sephiroth. Sephiroth… my son who saw me for what I was._ **

**_I had not thought it possible to have one inherit my will._ **

**_Then you came. My son’s imperfect little doll._ **

**_You were to be the planet’s human weapon._ **

**_But you were ours._ **

**_Your body, created to be owned by him._ **

**_In all your lives._ **

**_You were meant to belong to him._ **

**_But instead, he wants you by his side._ **

**_As an equal. As a son of mine._ **

**_This is a wish I could easily grant._ **

**_The bliss of having another._ **

**_Son. My precious son. Cloud. Do you feel it now?_ **

**_I am your mother._ **

**_I am your true mother._ **

**_The only mother you will know._ **

**_I wanted you desperately then,_ **

**_And yet you resisted my call._ **

~~**_Gaia took you from us._ ** ~~

**_You became a puppet of a dying world._ **

**_But we will save you from this pointless cycle._ **

~~**_You are not their hero._ ** ~~

**_We are your family now._ **

Cloud opened his eyes and felt so much lighter even as he cried against the pain of Jenova’s emotions.

A human’s life only lasted a few years.

Feelling millions of years of sadness was like drowning in despair and he clutched at Sephiroth. Unable to tolerate it. Sephiroth carefully ran his gloved hands on his hair, cradling him, looking expectant as the man mouthed words against his lips.

**_Breathe._ **

And Cloud felt as if the pressure crushing him was lifted. He could feel Sephiroth there, every part of him. Reassuring. Resonating. A constant presence. And he felt an echo, of the multiple existences of the man, echoing their _DesireMadnessLoveObsessionLust_ as Sephiroth pressed his lips against him. Lapping at Jenova’s blood.

**_I wish to feel again. To move again._ **

**_But to do that, I need a vessel._ **

Cloud was fed the image of the Ancient. Aerith, her smiling face. Her young supple body, capable of handling the existence of something bigger than the planet. A God. What they called calamity.

But Mother was simply mother. She sailed undefeated in the heavens. Devouring knowledge, and showering gifts to those she deemed worthy. Older than time.

**_Her body will suffice._ **

**_I will learn of humanity through her._ **

**_This way, your Cetra will live._ **

**_Through me._ **

Jenova appeared before him, in his mind, a pale white thing, spreading her arms and wrapping him in a cocoon. “So much to learn… but we have an eternity, little one.”

Cloud was shivering against Sephiroth, as he pulled away. Feeling cheated, that he lived under the laws of the world that was imposed to them by _another_ just like actors following a script.

He was laughing to himself and Sephiroth echoed his mirth, “Are you awake now, _puppet_?” It was an echo of his past taunts.

And Cloud knew how true it was.

**_Can you not see the sacrifice I am prepared to do for you, dear boy._ **

**_These wretched beings that are but dolls to fate._ **

**_I will see what it’s like to live amongst them._ **

**_I wish to see what is so precious about them._ **

**_And then decide if they are worthy of your love._ **

Cloud shivered at this and held Sephiroth’s hand, a frown as he stood up.

_‘I can be with Aerith and Mother at the same time?’_

**_Yes, and more._ **

Just like Vincent, With Chaos and his other Demons. A similar concept. This Cloud understood as he giggled to himself. His hands reaching out to nothing, with his eyes wide and dilated.

Sephiroth took out Jenova’s body and dragged it outside. Hojo bowed to Sephiroth and Cloud was wiping his tears as he rose and flew with his newly found wings and watched the procedure. A necessary one. To part with Mother was to be reunited with her.

Cloud could feel the collective will of Jenova in the scientist’s minds, having injected themselves with her cells.

They were all dolls that would obey any order.

Cloud was laughing to himself, shaking as he clutched at his mother’s half bitten hand.

Sephiroth dropped Jenova’s body into the Mako.

“She will do a much better job in conquering the lifestream. Isn’t _this_ what you wanted, Cloud? To save the planet. Aren’t you happy?”

Happiness was something alien. A lifetime away.

No. The sick feeling that rose in him was something even more delightful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated. Also, I didn't intend for that to happen, but after playing stuff like "I Was Waiting for This Moment", and some other dark bgms...you can say my hand slipped.


	4. Novo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud struggles to deal with the changes of being less than human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why but I struggled to write this chapter. Maybe it's because I'm writing too many stories at once. It feels a little bit like an information dump, but at the same time it's a much needed transition before a time skip. I originally thought Stella Mortem would take me longer than 10 chapters but we'll see where it ends because I haven't written an outline yet (when I should have).
> 
> A **WARNING** for the squeamish. There's lots of gore in this chapter. But the next chapters are going to be fluffy, and dark. Dark just because Cloud isn't human anymore.
> 
> There are references to the prequel, [Sileo Aeternum](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25151251) here so if you haven't read that yet, you can give that a go.

It did not take long for horror to set in. Cloud stared at Jenova’s hand, staring at the still leaking blue greenish blood, feeling shaken.

He pressed his hand against his throat and a gloved hand took away _Mother_ from him.

**_Cloud, you wanted this._ **

Cloud shook his head. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want this at all. And he was putting fingers inside his mouth, trying to force himself to vomit.

He started gagging.

But nothing was coming up. Only bile.

And he let it out.

But all that remained was the acid, and nothing of her flesh. As if it dissolved into him.

He knelt on the floor and felt something heavy on his back, weighing him down. He was having a hard time breathing.

His entire body hurt.

And it felt like something was crawling all over him. From the inside. As if every part of him was tingling.

He started coughing as his airways constricted, and his eyesight got blurry as he stared at the white feather that fell in front of him 

Cloud felt so small as braced both his arms on the metal floor. Just trying to stay calm despite how much it burned. As if his entire body was on fire.

**_Embrace it, Cloud._ **

He kept coughing, until there were flecks of blood on the metal floor mixed with a long stream of saliva.

Something inside him was dying.

Footsteps echoed on the metal floor.

"What did you do to me?" Cloud whispered accusingly.

"Only what's right." Came Sephiroth’s voice.

Cloud was tempted to claw at his chest. He was a monster now. He knew that instinctively. A monstrous thought accompanied him, the sick glee of _freedom_. He wanted to laugh at how naive he was, for trusting Sephiroth.

It was a trap.

And he wanted to reverse it. He wanted to do something to stop it from happening. He didn’t want to be different. He just wanted to be Cloud.

“No… No. I don’t want this.” Cloud felt tears coming out of his eyes.

And even his eyes felt different somehow. Everything felt sharper. He could see farther in the distance. He could see… colors he’s never seen before.

He could feel _Jenova’s_ thoughts and Sephiroth... Sephiroth was like a magnet. If before, he was just a steady consciousness that haunted him, now it was like gravity. As if something was consciously pulling him towards his _brother._

“It won’t work you know. You won’t gain back your humanity just like that when mother is already part of you. We’re the same now…”

**_Stop fighting. Just let go, Cloud._ **

He winced as so many thoughts raced through his mind. Cloud felt it pass through him, snapshots of the many times he died because of Sephiroth. The other selves that suffered. So many versions of him. Dying again and again. Needlessly. Cruelly.  
  


“In this world, there is no need for me to kill you, you are not my enemy. You’re mine. So stop fighting.”

Cloud shook his head.

Sephiroth frowned and Cloud felt something forcefully enter his body. And he stopped struggling and just knelt there unseeing. 

**_Relax._ **

And it scared him, because right now it felt like he was being torn in two.

And already, Cloud was missing Jenova’s presence, because when she was with him, _when_ her presence was there, all the worries simply melted away.

It was scary.

It was scary to know that all this time he was just a puppet of Gaia as much as he was a puppet of Jenova. Sephiroth was right. In all the lives that _he_ ever lived, despite not remembering most of it, Cloud was just following a script that led to tragedy after tragedy. There was no happy ending for any of them.

And it was an impossible promise that Sephiroth made, because in all those lifetimes, the planet always died as if it was an inevitable conclusion.

He once thought Jenova and Sephiroth were evil, but what were they now? When he could see through their point of view. He could feel her anger. He could feel Sephiroth’s desire, and he knew Sephiroth wanted nothing else but to keep him safe.

Shouldn’t he be happy about that?

But he wasn’t. Because he could not make sense of the feelings if they were his or if they belonged to someone else.

Before, his emotions were real, wasn’t it? He felt love. He felt anguish. Hate. Sorrow. Happiness. Despite the illusion of freedom, despite how fake it was, it still held meaning for him.

But in the face of Jenova and Sephiroth’s knowledge, it felt as if he was questioning all that he knew.

That the reality he lived in, the laws that made him _human_ were vile and wrong.

Time itself could be rewound. How each life was recycled into another. How could he just accept that he’d been used as a pawn by one side, almost turned into a Weapon for the planet’s benefit…? That the reason the Lifestream rejected him was because it wanted him to continue fighting an endless battle.

And the memory of dying over and over and over, and then waking up as a different version of him, a different person, with a different set of memories. It was terrifying. It was like watching a movie, only he could feel the same emotions, the same anguish and he tried to separate himself from those other versions of him.

None of it felt real.

He shook. He wondered if he'd wake up from this dream.

That all this time, his existence was just _fake_.

And he struggled to stay still as he stared at his hands.

“Shh… you’re thinking too much, Cloud.”

Cloud looked up at Sephiroth. Green eyes looked at him with pity.

And it was all because Sephiroth wanted him. He. They kissed.

Cloud kissed him back. Why? Was it because he loved Sephiroth too? Or was it just an illusion, this love?

But why?

Why him?

Of all the people in the world? Why him?

**_You are precious to him, my son._ **

**_You belong to him._ **

He wiped his lips and felt the tentative warmth of _mother_ echo from across the void.

Sephiroth grasped his wrist and he was pulled up.

“There’s no sense trying to wrap your head around it now. You must feel overwhelmed.” 

The thoughts that were rushing through his mind felt foreign, as if something had taken control of his mind. And it was scary how it all made sense.

And earlier on, when Jenova was around and he could feel nothing but her love and the strength of her will, he was swept away. In her madness.

Jenova will sink into the planet, so she could infect the living with her cells. And soon, the world would be theirs to command.

All of the living, just dolls, unable to rebel.

What was he fighting for, when the real enemy was just hiding in the shadows?

The Goddess Minerva. Whispers. Gaia. Even Aerith. The detestable Ancient… was she an enemy now? Not if he could save her. Through mother. Mother will turn her into a vessel.

It made sense, did it not?

Cloud closed his eyes. But didn’t he love Aerith too? Shouldn’t he care for what she thought? Would she be willing to embrace his mother?

Was he willing?

“Let go of me.” Cloud demanded as he tried to twist away, but Sephiroth tightened his grip, pulling him into his arms, pressing him against his chest.

And he could feel Sephiroth’s heartbeat.

He subconsciously knew that Sephiroth was simply observing him, patiently waiting for him to resign himself to his fate.

“Cloud, you are prolonging the inevitable.”

Cloud was staring at those lips, knowing he’d been violated thoroughly in his other lives. If Sephiroth desired him, what was stopping him from taking him now? From raping him? For forcing him to do things he didn’t want.

He’d done it before. To his other selves.

He was completely at his mercy.

**_I would never do that to you, unless you wish for it._ **

_‘Don’t lie to me. Don’t lie… you never asked me if I wanted to become like you… I… hate you.’_

**_Then hate me. But soon enough, that hate will disappear, and in its place will be nothing but desire._ **

Sephiroth gripped his hair, tightly, pulling his head back.

“Stop resisting.”

And Cloud gasped. Feeling an echo of the need, of want, of Sephiroth’s wish to possess him completely. So that his every thought was of Sephiroth alone.

“No. This is…”

The connection he had with him shuttered close and Sephiroth let go of his hair. Instead, the man was wiping away his tears.

He was nine years old. He shouldn’t be feeling these things.

But what was his age when he felt… as if he’d gone through so much? He couldn’t come to terms with it. He couldn’t believe he was no longer human. And he flinched as his nails sharpened to claws and it pressed against Sephiroth’s chest, making the man bleed.

But Sephiroth hardly flinched.

This man had gone back for him again and again for almost an eternity.

And were those memories even real?

Or were they fabricated?

So many memories that didn’t belong to him, that was struggling to bubble up to the surface.

**_I know you’re confused. I was once the same. Don’t worry, it shouldn’t last long._ **

And Sephiroth brushed his hair back, holding him as Cloud remembered a particular memory of being tortured and raped by Sephiroth and all his clones, a lifetime away.

How Sephiroth pushed him through the edge until he was begging for death.

He trembled, knowing he was in the arms of the very same madman, because Cloud instinctively knew they were all one and the same.

**_There was a time in the past that I broke you, but not anymore, Cloud. You should know this by now. I want to save you._ **

_‘Save me?’_

Sephiroth brushed his hair back.

**_I don’t expect you to believe me_** **.**

They stayed like that, and as time passed, Cloud felt calmer.

Soon even his throat relaxed and his breathing evened out.

“General, shall we proceed?”

Cloud looked to the side, looking at the researchers. “Very well,” Came Sephiroth’s dark baritone.

“They will watch over you and ensure your body has adjusted properly to the changes. Meanwhile, I must cater to other duties. I will see you soon.”

Sephiroth pushed him away, but despite Cloud’s reluctance, he found himself holding on.

It was messed up.

The other researchers began stepping closer and Cloud panicked, embracing Sephiroth tighter.

They were going to study him again. Cut him apart. “Cloud....”

“No.”

And when a researcher attempted to step closer, his wings reacted, swatting the researcher away, and the man keeled over, clutching his abdomen.

Cloud shivered and he looked behind him, seeing wings and looking at them in shock..

It spread out, and folded behind him. He remembered using them, flying with it.

Sephiroth was watching him with the same unreadable look.

“You’ll need to restrain him, Professor,” Sephiroth said. And Hojo signalled the researchers to approach them.

“Don’t… go. Don’t leave me… again,” Cloud held on, unable to let go. Was he being abandoned again?.

Just like that, Sephiroth would leave him at the mercy of these researchers? Having completed his goal, he was going to be set aside as if his own feelings did not matter?

Didn’t he deserve some reassurance? Something better than just _words._ Dismissive words that the horrible feeling he had wasn’t going to last very long?

“Stay.” Cloud grit the words out. “Please.”

And maybe if he asked nicely, Sephiroth would listen to him..

“Don’t be difficult, Cloud.”

Sephiroth pried his fingers off but Cloud resisted it. “No… I’m tired. I’m tired of this. I remember things that never happened before. I’m going mad. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone with these thoughts and feelings and memories that aren’t mine… Please. Don’t go. Don’t… not now. Just… not now. I don’t want this. I’m scared.”

But Sephiroth held his wrists away. Stepping away.

And Cloud’s lower lip quivered, and he sank onto the ground, curling up in a ball.

There was a hand on his head.

He started crying again.

He didn’t want to feel so weak.

But his own body didn’t feel like it belonged to him. His own head felt too big for his body. As if knowledge was being crammed in it, and he knew things without knowing where the knowledge came from.

“Very well. I’ll stay with you.”

Cloud wiped off the tears because it was stupid to cry.

And it was stupid to feel so relieved knowing that Sephiroth finally listened to him.

“Let them bind you. It’s for your own safety.”

The researchers offered Sephiroth a white straitjacket.

“Get rid of the wings and wear this for now.”

“How?”

“Just imagine it disappearing and it will.”

Cloud did just that and was able to pull his wings back to his body. And he knew the extra appendage would appear if he wished for it. Cloud began stripping off the top of his SOLDIER Third Class uniform.

Then, he wore the white thing and let them tie the buckles around him. The snapping of metal as they tightened the material around him just enough to be comfortable was jarring to his ears.

Overhead, the fluorescent lights flickered.

Next, came the leather bindings for his feet and legs and Cloud closed his eyes when they placed a mask over his face. Everything turned black.

“Open your mouth, Cloud.”

And something went inside his mouth. Something rubbery. It was the perfect shape of his teeth.

“This will keep you from grinding your teeth.”

Something wrapped snugly around his neck. A bracer. There were several clicks and a velcro stretching and wrapping around him tightly.

And Cloud felt Sephiroth’s arms move under him. Cloud gasped as he felt the world move, as he was carried, with his head propped up gently against Sepiroth’s shoulder.

“I should be enough to restrain him. There’s no need to lock him up during transport. We leave for Midgar.”

“Of course, General.”

Cloud was suddenly filled with contempt at these _dolls._

And Cloud knew it was Jenova’s cells that made them feel like mindless drones. 

He could feel them even if his eyes couldn’t see.

And he knew they meant him no harm. But he still couldn’t forget how much he suffered from their experiments.

It did not take long until he could feel the heat of the sun. 

He winced at the high pitched sound of the rotors and he knew they were back inside transport. Soon his head was on Sephiroth’s lap. Lying down on a cold leather seat. Straps securing his body. A researcher was directly in front of them, and he winced as a syringe was plunged on his arm.

There was a beeping sound, as something was patched up on the same spot.

“You should know by now that I would not have done this had you been more obedient.... The planet is still interfering. Your meeting with the Ancient was not coincidence, after all, and this is all I can do to protect you."

And there was a hand smoothing out his hair.

“You are precious to me. I hope you remember this.”

Cloud didn’t know what to say to that.

“I’m confused.”

“I know you are but you will learn, in time.”

Cloud was almost dozing off when he felt the heat.

Something inside him felt like it was building up - like a furnace. Like he was on fire.

He gasped at the searing white pain in his eyes.

“The last vestiges of the Gaia within you are fighting mother’s cells. But it will lose.”

And Cloud shivered at the sudden cold that seeped in his bones.

* * *

In Midgar, they placed him inside the lab, once again on a metal table. The restraints they placed on him were useful, because halfway through the ride, his body began trashing. And if it weren’t for Sephiroth, he would have snapped his bones.

By then, they had managed to undress him, and he was once again wearing a medical gown. The metal table was cold under him, but it was soothing to his burning skin.

He was gasping for breath, testing the restraints on his arms.

Unable to keep his eyes open for long enough.

It’s as if he couldn’t get enough air in his body. He froze as white hot pain lanced through his spine.

And for a moment he couldn’t feel his legs.

**_It will pass._ **

Cloud blacked out and the next moment they had his body hooked to machines and an IV was inserted into his arm.

A scalpel was on his other arm as one researcher began cutting it. Deeper and deeper.

Cloud winced every time.

“Magnificent. The way his body repairs itself is remarkable. It’s as if I never even made the cut. What if we cut off his arm?”

“Theoretically, it should be able to reattach itself,” Professor Hojo said.

Cloud screamed as they did so, and Sephiroth was next to him, not stopping them at all.

His arm lay severed.

But Cloud was surprised that after a few agonizing moments, the pain dulled down. He was panting. Still gasping for breath and Sephiroth’s larger hands tightened around his other hand.

And pretty soon, Cloud was watching in horrified fascination as his own body pulled the arm back, the bones merging, the muscles, tissue, skin knitting back together neatly. And the numbness of his left arm stayed for only a few seconds until he could move his fingers again. He whimpered as they asked Sephiroth, “I would like to test the resilience of his bones and muscles.”

“No more than this, Hojo, and if you wish to examine this further, save it for another time, when he has fully recovered.”

Hojo smiled thinly, “but this is for Science, it would prove valuable to create another specimen.”

“You will never succeed.”

* * *

And when his eyes opened again, he saw other children in glass pods. One by one they were injected with his blood. And his eyes swerved around, and he saw Sephiroth, beside him.

“You lost consciousness but your fever has subsided. How are you feeling?”

Cloud felt like shit.

“In your past lives, you have never been intimate with anyone but me and my clones. Did you know that, Cloud? It’s a good thing, because your genetic material is far too potent… and now that you’ve accepted so much of Mother’s cells, see what happens.”

Cloud didn’t want to, but Sephiroth had him sit up, kissing the top of his head.

The children were screaming soundlessly beating small arms against the glass walls.

He could hear it, despite the sound proof barrier.

Cloud could feel his blood mixing with the children. It was never meant to happen.

And seconds passed.

Until one imploded. As the body was unable to handle the sudden genetic material. It ate through the skin and it burst into bloody bits, splattering all over the glass pod.

The other one was gasping, and crying seeing this, throwing up, and screaming.

Then he began scratching himself. And soon, scales and razors started sprouting out. The eyes have turned blue, and the pupils have turned into slits. 

The kid was reaching out towards him.

“Help.”

Cloud shivered. “This is horrible. Can’t you make them stop?”

“I can but these children are not your friends, are they? If you really care for them, then I will revive them.”

“You can?”

“Once mother takes control of the Lifestream, all the souls of the dead are ours to command. It is a matter of creating a vessel.”

Cloud stared at the dripping blood again, “But that doesn’t solve anything? They’re still hurting them for no reason.”

“Knowledge is gained through trial and error. Once you remove this incident from their mind, they would remain unharmed.”

Cloud knew Sephiroth held no love for others, but to hear it come out from his mouth, as if the children that just died were nothing to him.

“Why didn’t I turn into a monster?”

“In this life, you’re just like me. Your mother was part of an experiment to create SOLDIERS. And as a child, you consumed part of me. It strengthened you, enough to withstand this pain.”

Cloud didn’t want to believe it.

He didn’t want to think Claudia could do such a thing.

He then looked at his arm, which was unblemished but he was sure the researchers had cut it off cleanly. 

“Why couldn’t you just regenerate yourself like this? Why pretend that I could have beaten you when you were immortal?”

Sephiroth laughed but did not bother answering him verbally.

**_You fought my clones. My real body was in the crater. I hardly stayed conscious long enough in the physical world as I perused knowledge from the Lifestream. And had I shown the extent of my strength at the start, it would have ruined some of my plans. I wished to travel worlds undetected. But this is all in the past._ **

The man merely poured himself a glass of water, and drank from it. Soon. The glass was offered to him. Cloud had not realized he was thirsty until he drank the water greedily.

“Careful not to drink too much. Our bodies do not require food or water, but your physical body remembers it. One day, perhaps you will lose interest in pretending to be human.”

Sephiroth took the glass back. Cloud didn’t really know why.

‘You let me win. I thought I defeated you.’

**_I was biding my time, observing you, and the mechanisms of the planet. In some ways, I let you believe you defeated me. It was fascinating to think mortals could ever defeat a God._ **

Later, a researcher came in and they took samples of his saliva.

And Cloud was horrified to see a Third Class SOLDIER being placed in the same glass pod. The man was unconscious.

“What are they doing. Isn’t he a SOLDIER?”

“Not anymore.”

And Cloud watched with horrified fascination as they cut the man up, and took the swab of his saliva and dabbed it onto the skin.

Cloud watched with bated breath and felt relieved there was no reaction.

“They will try to create clones of you just as they did with me. These people will be yours to command.”

“I don’t want them.”

“That’s not for you to decide, Cloud.”

* * *

Sephiroth held his hand as they placed him inside another glass room.

They began another round of tests.

This time it was to measure his reception to pain, for they observed the decreasing intensity of it.

They began cutting, shallow cuts. But Cloud hardly responded.

“His heart rate is steady. His brain doesn’t seem to register the pain at all. I’ve done a scan of the neural links and they’re all but stable, hardly firing up signals that something is wrong.”

And Cloud stared at the ceiling as they began to observe his body further.

Someone was typing furiously on one corner, as the observations went with detail while another was taking photographs. Another researcher was taking video clips from the overhead camera.

Before long, Cloud watched them chop off a finger and hastily drop it within a glass container, screwing it tight.

Cloud saw the tissue begin to turn into mush, and began pressing themselves on the wall, in an attempt to return back to him.

Cloud felt troubled at this.

And then, the individual droplets started escaping through the lid as if it had a mind of its own.

In minutes, his finger was back.

“This is...“

“Nothing new. Sephiroth has exhibited the same reaction recently.”

Sephiroth’s hand was on his head, calmly stroking him.

“How is his body?”

“It has adapted quite well to Jenova’s cells. His own cells have the ability to change shape as you can see. The cells themselves should be indestructible but we will subject the samples taken from him to stress tests.”

Professor Hojo was tapping on a screen. Observing the cell structure in detail.

“If it starts changing molecular property, we will know he’s in the final phase of the transformation.”

Cloud shakily exhaled and massaged his finger. “I don’t feel so good.”

“And why is that?”

“Because it doesn’t hurt… anymore. It’s weird.” Cloud bit the inside of his lip, and he felt it. But even when he bit hard enough that blood came out, the pain didn’t bother him as much.

“Pain is something that humans and other living creatures need, to signify that there is something wrong with the body, however, right now, your biology is different and you have the ability to reconstruct yourself whenever you want, so pain is no longer necessary.” Hojo said.

Sephiroth stopped petting him. The only sound was the continuous beeping of the monitor. His heartbeat, steady.

‘Can we still die?’

Sephiroth smiled.

**_No._ **

**_But there are certain things that can obstruct us. To exist in this world requires a physical body. And physical bodies can still be contained. Mother was trapped by the Cetra the same way. They gathered all her cells and all those she turned, and trapped them underneath the planet._ **

‘What if we lose our body? What happens then?’

**_The body will attempt to reconstruct itself, but your consciousness… our existence can still exist. Elsewhere. It is the same plane of existence that Arbiters use, undetected by other living beings except by those that they wish to show themselves to or those they wish to annihilate._ **

Sephiroth considered Cloud as the boy looked lost, unable to grasp the extent of his powers. **_We can also open a temporal space, constructing a world of its own space and time. You can say it’s an alternate dimension. I made one for you, to preserve the memories of your other selves… The only reason you remember them is because I let you have them._ **

Cloud shivered at this. He knew he had been a prisoner of Sephiroth, many lifetimes ago. All of them, selfishly collected until he wasted away and joined the lifestream.

**_There are other worlds, out there. Other planets. The universe is vast, Cloud. I wish to explore it with you, or we can stay here and rule the planet as their Gods, or become mere observers until you tire of it. And by then your connection to this filthy thing would have been severed._ **

Cloud pursed his lips, unsure.

‘Do you really mean it? When you said you’ll save the planet? Even if you hate it?’

**_Even if it goes against our nature, we’re willing to do it for you. Once Mother has assimilated herself with Gaia, no one will resist her will. The planet will be ours. Our sanctuary. No one will hurt you here._ **

‘But won’t the others turn into monsters? What about Geostigma?’ He dreaded the disease that had almost killed Den...zel?

Cloud felt a burgeoning headache at the thought of him. And Sephiroth looked perturbed that he dared think of someone else in his presence.

**_She is willing to temper her anger for both of us. Those who take in her cells will become our brethren._ **

‘They’ll become immortal too?’

**_In a way. They will still die and remain in the Lifestream, unless you want to pull them back from it and revive them. The Lifestream of the planet will be isolated from the Greater Lifestream. It will exist on its own, without joining the rest. Without ever experiencing the next phase of creation._ **

‘Have you ever seen what will happen?’

**_Yes._ **

But Sephiroth said nothing more.

Cloud felt tired, and he really didn’t want to stay there any longer. So with one pull, he broke the restraints that held him down.

The researchers protested at this.

Sephiroth took one glance at them and they all froze.

“I am taking him with me. Do not attempt to stop me. This has gone on long enough.”

Sephiroth assisted him out of bed, untying the flimsy binding and pulling the IV out of Cloud’s arm and taking the smaller boy in his arms. Cloud tried to stretch his back, and winced at the urge to pull his wings out.

“Let them out.”

Cloud did so, and with some relief, the white wings spread out behind him.

Sephiroth carried him and wrapped a blanket around his form.

**_Pull them back in once we leave the labs._ **

And Cloud pressed his forehead against the same chest. Cloud flapped his wings and sighed, slumping against Sephiroth and feeling troubled that it felt so comfortable to be carried.

‘Won’t it be sad, to live in the world where everyone obeys you?’ Cloud asked, and as he wondered about how many around him were infected, he realized… it was not just the Science Department and SOLDIER, many of Shinra’s employees were already carriers of Jenova’s cells.

It was spreading faster than he thought.

Sephiroth said nothing and continued to pass through doors, undeterred.

**_They will never know they’re puppets until we exert our will over them._** **_You can give them the illusion of freedom, or restrict it. The choice is yours._**

**‘** Mine? But I just want… to give everyone a chance at happiness.’

Cloud looked down. Unsure.

**_But I need you to grow stronger. There is a Goddess that rules over this world, and even now, she wishes for the planet to end. She will soon call forth her agents, once she figures out you are not Gaia’s weapon any longer._ **

The reflection of his eyes stared back at him and Cloud saw that the rim of his eyes had turned pink. He was just a kid with wings. He wondered if someone would still call him an angel if they knew what he was.

**_The Goddess Minerva is a being that weighs absolute gain. She values balance, and perhaps just like me, she sees no value for this planet to continue existing. Regardless of what those who live in it care to feel. The wealth of experiences and knowledge that this world has created has already reached its peak, and this energy is something Gods and Goddesses covet. But now… with you by my side, the planet is set for a different course altogether…_ **

Sephiroth stroked his wings, **_Each and every movement that you thought was yours to take, was once restricted. You and your people had no real freedom. It was an illusion. You were bound by the laws of the planet. Gravity. Time. Age. Decay. Energy. And more. The only real thing that should have hinted to you that something was wrong was the existence of Materia._ **

Cloud paused, ‘Materia lets you cast magic… and it’s made up of the Lifestream. Of Mako.’

**_Correct. Materia is made up of knowledge and memories of those who existed in the past. And yet it does not degrade. It continues to exist in its spherical form, unable to be weathered down or broken apart unless you dissolve it in a higher concentration of Mako. Do you remember the, Black Materia?_ **

Cloud nodded. The memory was still a horrible one. 

**_From the Lifestream, I learned that they have sacrificed their own kin to create it. Have you not wondered why the Ancients ever created such a terrible thing? Something so destructive it is possible to destroy the planet?_ **

Cloud shook his head, slowly. And as they exited the labs, he hastily vanished the wings and with a grumpy sigh, he allowed Sephiroth to wrap the blanket around his form tighter.

Soon they took the elevator down the 50th floor, and then another set down to the first floor. He mulled over the question really, why would the Ancients bother creating something that would destroy the planet they wanted to protect.

It did not make sense.

**_They were willing to use this magic to destroy their enemies. They also knew that merging with the Lifestream allows you to become a God and this is how Minerva came into being. The Cetra prophesied the best course history should take and employed their chosen mage to become the Goddess to ensure whatever they have predicted will always come to pass. They risked destroying part of Gaia for such a selfish wish long before Mother came to destroy them._ **

Cloud couldn’t wrap his mind around it. But he knew the Ancients saw the world differently. They knew they would continue to exist even after death, in the Lifestream… the same way how Aerith continued to reach out to him even after her death.

**_One day, even the stars will die. And its warmth will never reach this planet. If you wish for it, we can even create stars. Right now, the future that had one ending is now branching off to multiple possibilities. The past can never fully be changed, for even I am not yet strong enough to challenge the past. But I intend to guide you through it._ **

‘But why me? I… I’m nobody. I never did anything that should have caught your attention.’

**_You should know why. Why question my desire when you feel its truth._ **

And Sephiroth traced his back and Cloud shivered.

**_I have never found one so strong and yet so broken._ **

He didn’t understand it.

Sephiroth smirked, and tilted Cloud’s head back. And Cloud let him.

**_I am selfish, Cloud. I tried to make you see reason. And yet you refused my offer, of immortality, even my love. And this is why I will not let you choose. You are mine and I will not let you go._ **

Cloud pushed himself away but Sephiroth held him closer.

Outside, Midgar’s air was humid and filled with the stench of Mako.

Cloud accused him with his voice, unable to keep the thoughts in his head, “But… but you let other people hurt me and you _tortured_ me in the past. How can I trust you not to go back on your word? What if… what if you decide I’m not worth it? What if the planet isn’t worth it. What if… you leave me again?”

Because he knew what it felt like to be abandoned. All those of his other selves that Sephiroth has decided to abandon, all those versions of him that he has decided to abandon… what if, he was just left behind, stranded in a life that was destined to end horribly, because he wasn’t worthy of Sephiroth’s attention.

What if he was just like the other failures? Those that were left to die. Those that turned into monsters.

“While your physical strength leaves much to be desired, you are already bonded to mother and I. There will be other versions of myself who will no doubt continue to seek other versions of you, but _I_ will remain with you...”

“How does this all work? I… fought with versions of you that were just empty husks. You said so yourself that… they were never complete… I… can’t just take your word for it.”

“It is highly unlikely but should that ever happen, then find me. Travel to another world, another time. My existence is tied to yours, Cloud.”

Cloud shook his head, “I only wanted a normal life.”

“I know the truth, Cloud. I have seen it inside your head many times. You wish to be with me. To be acknowledged by me. To be _loved_ by me and to atone for the crime that was never yours. For failing to save _others._ You cannot desire strength to save the planet if you wish to be normal. This is what I’ve found particularly alluring about you, how much you struggle to fight despite the odds.”

Sephiroth smiled, and Cloud felt a headache enter his head as a vision of a battle. One that Sephiroth swiftly blocked from his mind.

“There are many Gods in the world. Mother, you and I are the Gods of Calamity. We destroy order by consuming life… This is the nature of mother’s power and once she dies, only we will live on as her legacy.”

“Mother will die?”

“Not in the sense that you know of. She is immortal but her own brothers and sisters are gone, and fighting Gaia has drained her. Instead of consuming the planet, she is merging with it… Unless we can find her another planet to consume, mother is destined to sleep here to recover her strength.”

Cloud was unsure why Jenova was willing to sacrifice herself.

“What will happen to me? What’s the point of… trying to fit in when we’re so different?”

“But this is a chance to live the life that you always wanted, Cloud. I don’t want you to waste it. You can pretend to be normal. If that is what you wish.”

“What about my friends? You said I should avoid them, right?... But now that I’m stronger, will you let me see them? I… want to see Zack, Tifa… and Cid, Barret.”

“They’re not the same people you know from your other life. Do not expect them to react warmly to you. Some of them are probably our enemies. Gaia will use them against you. Vincent’s demon was born out of Omega. He will have to die for our plans to succeed.”

“I can’t kill Vincent.”

Cloud glared. This was something he would not budge on.

“It doesn’t need to be permanent. Just enough to sever the connection he has with his demon. He has something I want. A type of Materia that is too dangerous in human hands.”

Cloud was shaking his head. “No… I don’t want to.”

“Then I will kill him. You don’t need to do a thing. Aerith will become mother’s vessel, and then you will have your happy ending. All your friends will live. I assure you.”

Suddenly, Cloud felt exhausted. 

**_Sleep, Cloud. Your body is still recovering._ **

* * *

Where was he?

Why did he keep on waking up in places he didn’t remember.

It was a garden this time.

A vast one filled with white flowers.

A red sky. And twelve moons.

“Cloud, my poor baby… how stubborn.”

It was mother’s voice. Cloud looked up and saw her face.

The pink eyes staring down at him. Her razor sharp teeth hidden behind a kind smile. A tentacle found its way to wrap around his legs. And Cloud let it. It felt warm and nice. As if he was being hugged.

“Your brother is simply trying his best to keep you safe.”

Cloud was raised up from the ground and pressed against a warm bosom.

And enormous white wings wrapped around him.

His smaller form was cradled against hers.

“Sephiroth is lonely. He needs you.”

Cloud knew this but there was some part of him that still didn’t want to acknowledge this.

“Mother, he hurt me so many times. I can’t just forget that.”

“Then forgive him. Don’t you want to be with him?”

And Cloud looked up at Jenova who looked down at him, pale greyish blue hands wrapping around his and another pressing against his chest.

“Is that not what you desire the most?”

Cloud felt raw. As if all his secrets have been peeled away. He could not lie to her.

“Yes.”

Jenova smiled, kissing his forehead. “And aren’t you so much closer to him now? Sephiroth is strong, but his only weakness is you, do you not know that?”

Jenova touched his cheek and Cloud closed his eyes.

“I selfishly used him for my own gain. I acted on his behalf to fulfill his desires. And when he woke from his deep sleep, his only thought was of revenge.”

Cloud felt uncomfortable at this. He knew how many people Sephiroth had hunted down and killed. And how he used him like a puppet, to bring him the Black Materia.

How Sephiroth killed Aerith. And how he was tortured mentally and physically because of him.

“You see, when a person dies, they are absorbed into the Lifestream. But the Lifestream isn’t kind. They tried to destroy my precious son, and if it were not for me and you, he would have lost sight of who he was.”

Cloud listened to her, as her wings unfurled and a vision appeared.

A sickly green, where there were too many voices, clamouring for help, for revenge, discontent. He knew the feeling. He had been there once. When he fell into the Lifestream together with… someone…

“When you killed him, he had nothing else to hold on to, and little by little, Gaia ripped apart my son until the only thing that held him together were memories that others had of him. Your memory of him was the strongest, and for as long as you existed, he came back to the planet… Seeking you out. I know he hurt your other selves, but now he’s different, now that he’s _complete._ ”

Cloud was confused, but he knew that he himself did not come out unscathed from the Mako and the Lifestream. When he fell into it, his mind was in shambles. It was a miracle that he recovered at all.

“Sephiroth quickly turned into a God and he should have set off to use this planet as a vessel to conquer the next one. Instead. He came back for you.”

Cloud knew this. Sephiroth came back to offer him a place by his side. Repeatedly. And he refused him, many times.

“He could have just told me the truth. I would have listened.” Cloud offered, almost annoyed and petulant.

Jenova shook her head, strands of silver hair flowed around.

Her hands cupped his cheeks, and her pink eyes were narrowed into slits. Cloud shivered when he felt her claws trace his cheek and it was all the warning he had that Jenova was displeased.

“I’m sorry, mother.”

Jenova continued, “He tried to tell you in his own way but you never listened.”

Cloud looked down.

He didn’t like this. He didn’t want to say sorry because none of that was his fault. He fought Sephiroth at the time because he thought that was the right thing but the lines are so blurred now.

He didn’t know what to do but it felt unfair that mother was taking his side.

“More than a million lifetimes later, he lost you. For you were tied to the Lifestream. I have never seen him so desperate.”

Cloud tried to imagine the cold and cruel Sephiroth… desperate?

Jenova laughed at this. “With my powers, I could traverse the world through time itself and despite the risks, he did it. To save you. Give your brother a chance. You will learn to love him in time.”

And Cloud felt smaller. As he listened to her voice.

“The planet will soon be ours. I will turn it into a Sanctuary where no one can hurt you. Both of you.”

* * *

It felt strange, and he stayed in bed, mulling over what Mother said. Sephiroth, lonely?

The door to Sephiroth’s room opened and in came Zack, placing a plastic take out next to the bed and a banana.

“I don’t know what happened with your last mission, but… you look like shit. How are you doing, buddy?”

And Cloud was staring at Zack’s blue eyes. The way Zack all but pulled the bar stool from the kitchen island and propped his socks against the bed.

Sephiroth’s bed.

Some part of him felt affronted.

It felt weird.

“I’m fine.”

Except he could feel Jenova’s cells from within Zack. Just there under the skin. Even from here, it was buzzing at him.

“You sure, kid?”

And Cloud closed his eyes, knowing that if he wanted to, he could use those cells and start using Zack like a doll. And just like all other dolls, they can be turned to food.

“Eat up.”

Cloud licked his lips at the thought, trying not to think too much of how _Zack_ might taste. He felt guilty for thinking about this.

“Who let you in?” Cloud asked instead.

“Sephiroth. He sent me a message. Told me to look after you.”

And Cloud blinked… He stretched his arms over his head and sat up.

“You… look different. I know, it’s your eyes. They’re brighter...” Zack paused and Cloud swallowed nervously when Zack was suddenly on top of him, pressing his face close to his. Observing.

“Oh? What’s wrong with my eyes?” Cloud pushed the teen away.

“Maybe I’ve never bothered to see them before, but now… it looks like the edges of your eyes are pink? Purple? Weren’t they blue before?”

“Does it matter?” Cloud asked.

“They’re pretty,” Zack said, and he blinked, rubbing at his hair awkwardly.

“Anyway, let’s eat.”

And takeout was unwrapped.

Chicken fried rice was still steaming hot. It smelled good.

Zack passed him a plastic spork, and Cloud began to copy him, digging in.

The moment the food went inside his mouth and he began chewing, Cloud realized he had no appetite.

He wasn’t hungry yet.

He knew that this was nourishment, but something inside him was wrong. As if he knew that he had no need for this any longer, and that consuming too much food would get him sick.

“Done already? But you only had three bites.”

“You’re counting?”

“I’m here to babysit you, duh.”

Cloud shook his head, reaching for the water instead. He had enough memories of Zack watching over him.

Cloud shivered and pulled the blankets around his form.

Zack gave him a worried look. He looked uncomfortable, as if he was struggling to say something but couldn’t quite phrase it. Eventually, he put the food down, and it came out, “So ah… I wanted to talk about, you know the last time. I got you into trouble, and if it wasn’t for me, the General wouldn’t have been so mad. I’m sorry, Cloud.”

Cloud tilted his head and placed the spork down. He was just about to chew the fourth spoonful and sighed, “It’s not your fault. Sephiroth told me not to take on any missions but I didn’t listen. I know I wasn’t strong enough but he was upset that I couldn’t follow simple directions.”

“Yeah, but… If I was more careful—”

“Don’t worry about it, Zack. It’s nothing. I’m alright. I just need to rest. I… want to thank you for calling Genesis and Angeal. It was you. I know Sephiroth would never kill me, but it did hurt.”

“Does he do that often?” Zack had a hard look on his face and Cloud was tempted to share with him just how many times they fought to death. But it was a lifetime away.

In this one, Sephiroth was kinder?

“No.”

And Zack grinned, “That’s good to know. But if you need another mentor, I’m sure Angeal could take on another, or Genesis? If you stayed you would have seen how upset they were because of what happened and… I know it’s not my place to say it but if he ever does something and you need someone...”

Cloud laughed, “No. Zack. I’m fine. Sephiroth is…”

He remembered the words from his dream. “He might be harsh. But he means well. I can’t explain it…”

What was he doing defending Sephiroth to Zack?

But he also didn’t want Zack to worry. So he closed up unable to carry on the sensitive conversation. He hadn’t even come to terms with what Sephiroth meant to him.

Zack pat his shoulder and quickly finished his food, gulping down his soda. “You want a banana? I got it for you.”

Cloud watched Zack wave it around and he declined. Just thinking of eating one made him nauseous.

“Why are you sick anyway? Something happened in Corel?”

Cloud just nodded wordlessly.

“Can’t say anything about it?”

“It’s classified.”

“Hah. I guess so. But you know, you can tell me anything. I’m pretty good at keeping secrets. If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here for ya. Okay? Kunsel’s worried too. But I’ll let him know you’re okay, although I know he’d rather hear it straight from you. Do you have his number?”

Cloud blinked. His PHS wasn’t with him and he looked around for it, and found it in bed.

The mundane thing of having to locate a physical item was strange. When he reached out for it, Cloud gasped as the thing floated a few centimeters up and instantly stamped out the thought and watched it fall soundlessly.

With a small voice, wishing that Zack didn’t notice that particular moment, he asked, “Can you hand me my phone. It’s on the table next to you.”

“Ah? This black thing is yours?”

Cloud nodded.

A little uncomfortable with what just happened, he found himself pulling a pillow to hug reflexively. It smelled like Sephiroth.

“Here you go.”

The phone was handed over to him. 

‘Is this really a good idea, to keep Zack with me? Shouldn’t I stay away from everyone until I figure out how to deal with all the changes?’

**_There’s no greater teacher than experience._ **

Cloud opened the PHS. There were so many emails and he was only gone for a few days.

“So I’ve sent you his contact details. You should see it pop up soon.”

Cloud saw the notification and began typing the message quickly.

_From: Cloud_

_I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me. Zack’s with me and maybe once I’m better, we can hang out again!_

Zack put away the food and Cloud followed him out to the living room and he stayed at the far edge of the couch as the man turned up the television.

“So, what do you do here for fun?”

Cloud thought about that. When was the last time he had fun?

“I… train?”

“Ah, you’re no good, Cloud. Even Angeal has a thing or two. He takes care of plants and loves cooking. Is there something you want to do? I bet you don’t want to stay cooped up inside this big place all by yourself. You wanna visit the slums? See Aerith?”

Cloud shook his head.

“I can’t.”

“Why not.”

“I’m not allowed. Sephiroth—”

“Sephiroth this, Sephiroth that? What are you, his pet?”

“No. But… he’s the one taking care of me.”

“Hmn, what about we call him, to get his permission?” Zack fished out his phone from his pocket.

“Zack, you can’t just do that.”

“Watch me,” Zack had the audacity to smirk at him.

The phone started ringing, “Lieutenant Fair here. I’ve done as you asked sir, I was going to take him down the slums but he said he needed your permission. So, can we go?... Why not?... The Science Department… at 7pm. Okay. Gotcha.”

Cloud scrambled from his seat, but Zack pushed him down.

“Hey, he said you’re fine out as long as we stay inside Shinra. So the slums are out. But you have an appointment with the Science Department by 7pm so as long as we get back by then it’s all fine.”

Cloud sank down on the couch.

“See, that wasn’t so bad. Hey, how about we visit Angeal? He’s been worried sick over you. He’s just a few floors down? Then we can take a tour of the HQ. I can even take you to the barracks! I bet you’ve never been there. There’s an exhibit on the first floor with vehicles and stuff. What do you say?”

“I’m sick.” Cloud said in a deadpan voice.

“You look like you’re feeling better though,” Zack reached out to ruffle his head and Cloud glared at him.

“Zack, stop it.”

“So what will it be, Cloud?”

“We can go to Angeal first. Let me just get changed.”

Cloud slipped out and went to his room, removing the pajamas that he didn’t remember putting on and began wearing whatever sat on top of the stack of clothes which was a white t-shirt and black shorts.

He was putting on socks and met Zack outside who suddenly placed a hand on his forehead. “Yeah, you’re not burning. Wanna go wash your face? Brush your teeth?”

Zack was such a mother hen. Cloud did just that and when he saw his reflection, he knew he looked like a mess. The corner of his nose had black stains. Almost reminiscent to the stain that Geostigma left.

He looked around his body and saw patches of the same dark stuff. He took a face towel and scrubbed it off.

He stared at his eyes and they did look a bit brighter, with a very small ring of purple. It was as if by just thinking it, his eyes were going back to their previous hue.

He opened his mouth, wondering if his teeth had sharpened but they looked normal. Brushing it. Gargling.

Spitting out the pieces of left over rice.

He felt a bit hungry.

**_The hunger never stops. One day, you’ll have to consume souls._ **

Cloud couldn’t process that and was determined to starve himself instead for as long as he could.

The bathroom door creaked, and Zack poked his head in.

“Everything alright?”

_Zack’s soul was very tempting. ~~To have part of his friend from within him. To just have a little bit of taste. He wanted it. He craved it. To see into his mind. His memories. His thoughts. His emotions. Using him like a plaything.~~_

Cloud slapped his cheeks, and snapped himself out of it.

He froze as Zack’s hand ruffled his hair again, “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...Oh no Cloud. You can't eat Zack. You'll just torture yourself if you do that. 🥺
> 
> But anyway. I hope you enjoyed this chapter ❤️ I love comments. Let me know what you think~


End file.
